𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙗𝙡𝙚//𝙖𝙛𝙞

nine

melody

Ashton Irwin was the most difficult person to love. Not because he was a hard personality to love, but because there was always the chance that you would want him, but he didn't really want you. For weeks I was trying to not focus on the fact that we weren't a couple. We acted like one to a certain extent, and everyone thought we were. There was a night where things changed, but not how you would hope it would play out.

I cried and cried as I watched Marley&Me for the fiftieth time in my life, Ashton by my side as per usual. He looked down at me and giggled.

"You are such an easy crier," he teased.

"Shut up," I slapped his chest, still crying.

I had finally pulled myself together when the credits began. Ashton turned off the TV, and flicked on the lights.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," he told me.

I groaned. "But I'm not tired!"

Ashton didn't look convinced. "Love, you're in hysterics over a dog movie."

Love.

That was a nickname that he hadn't called me before, and it made my heart flutter.

"And you aren't even a dog person!" Ashton continued.

"Whatever," I scoffed and stood up.

My legs could give way at any second. Yep, I was really tired, just in denial. I sat back down on the couch.

"Only if you carry me," I smiled sweetly.

Ashton huffed and rolled his eyes. "You're lucky I love you," he told me as he lifted me up, his hands under my butt. I wrapped my legs around his waist and cuddled into him.

Ashton lay me down on my bed.

"Are you staying?" I asked him hopefully.

He shrugged. "If you want me to, I guess."

"Please."

Ashton climbed into the bed beside me. I felt awkward going near him, because we were only supposed to be friends. He wanted to keep things strictly professional.

Ashton turned the lamp on the nightstand off before turning to me with a confused look.

"I don't have cooties," he joked.

I laughed lightly.

"C'mon, why won't you get close to me at all?" he asked, slightly sounding desperate.

"I dunno, it just feels... awkward?" I sighed.

"What do you mean awkward? We cuddle all the time."

I shrugged. "But we always feel weird about it in the morning, Like the 'we weren't supposed to do that' type thing. We're just friends."

Silence over took the room. Nobody moved a muscle.

Ashton suddenly swerved right next to me, his face dangerously close to mine. He cupped my face into his hands, and his breath felt warm against my nose. He quickly pressed his lips onto mine. I held his wrists, but moved with him.

When we detached, the only thing audible was our breath.

I was in complete shock. Why did he do that?

Ashton scooted back away from me and laid on his side of the bed. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say in the first place.

~~~

The next morning, we didn't wake up cuddling, and there was something that made me uncomfortable about that. We always woke up like that, and the morning after that night we didn't.

We tried to not make things awkward that day, but neither of us could shake away that strange feeling we had both had.

I so badly wanted to live life like we would normally. I wanted to be able to tell him that I loved him after he did something sweet. I wanted to have him carry me when I was tired.

There were still the things I wanted to do, but I hadn't yet.

Ashton sighed and plopped on the couch next to me. He turned to face me, and just stared for a moment.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I sighed. "It's fine."

"No, it's not fine!" he put his head in his hands. "I ruined everything!"

I bit my lip. "You didn't ruin everything."

He shook his head. "We're so awkward around each other now, and I hate it."

I turned and lay my head on Ashton's lap. "Then let's not be awkward."

He looked down at me and moved a strand of hair from my face. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I told him.

~~~

That night after Ashton left, I felt more lonely than ever. I didn't know what it was, because I never felt like this when we would leave each other normally.

We had known each other for over a month now, and it has been the best month. I never knew I needed him until I met him.

ashton

I felt alone the second I walked out of her house. Now I had nobody to talk to.

I had something to think about though.

What did I want from Melody?

I thought I just wanted a friendship with her. A close friendship. We had so much trust in each other, and even though we didn't know each other for as long as I knew other friends, we knew so much. We were so close.

But what if I wanted to be with her? Romantically? The thing was, that night I felt something. Something that wasn't just being friends. How was I supposed to say that? How was I supposed to trust myself to commit?

a/n spicyyyy

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