the stars in your eyes

•3•

i woke up to the sounds of faint voices and constant beeping. my eyelids felt heavy and i couldn't open them. after a minute or two, i could clearly hear what everyone was saying.

there was sobbing, and a lot of talking, from which one voice i didn't recognize.

"he's already been here for three days, shouldn't he be able to go home now!" my mother said between sobs.

"technically, yes, he can go home. i'd rather him not though. his injuries aren't minor, their major. he cut his arm extremely deep and his stomach is completely empty. if he does decide to go home, he needs a lot of food and rest. i'd suggest getting him a meal on your way home, and a big one. he's way to skinny, especially for a boy his age. has he been getting fed at home?" the unfamiliar voice says.

"well you see, there's an issue with that-" before my mother could finish, eddie had cut her off.

"what could possibly be your explanation for this one! i mean come on, you know for a fact you spend all your fucking money on alcohol and never end up having enough for poor richie. i mean, the kid hasn't eaten for a week and a half and you have the audacity to lie in the doctors face and make it seem like it isn't your fault? I'm pretty sure i care about your son more than you do. and i definitely care about him more than Wentworth does. i mean hell, he abuses the poor kid. and what do you do about it? nothing. so don't act like you care because we all know you don't. your better off leaving anyways." by the way eddies voice sounded when he said this, i could tell he was crying.

"um okay, well i'll be calling the police and you can stay here and comfort your friend, okay? i can see his eyelids fluttering, he's trying to open them. he'll be fully conscious in a minute" the unfamiliar voice said to eddie and exited the room. i kept trying to open my eyes. when i finally did, everything was blurry for a second, but before i knew it eddie was sliding my glasses on my face.

"hey rich, how are you doing?" eddie perked up at the sight of me.

"......f-fine...." i managed to choke out.

"that's progress! hows your arm?" he looked genuinely concerned.

"in pain.....i'll be fine though" i give him a light smile to which he frowns back at me.

"Jesus rich, you scared us" bev says, standing up from her chair.

"I'm s-sorry-" i started.

"dont be, richie. its okay." bev finishes. i smile at her.

"so when can i go home?" i ask, turning to the nurse who had just walked in.

"as soon as you answer these questions from the police." the nurse pointed to the two police officers standing in the frame of the door. i nodded and they sat in the chairs next to my bed.

"we just have a few questions about your parents and whats been going on at home, okay? if we trigger you in any way just let us know and we'll finish the questions. would you like to proceed?"

"sure i guess" the police officers nodded and began asking me a series of questions.

"have your parents ever told you they hated you?" the police officer name "Tommy" asked.

"almost every single day of my life." i heard a sob from Lizzie, so i put my hand on hers.

"have they ever abused you? emotionally?"

"yep. i have a lot of mental issues from them to be honest with ya!" i laughed a bit, but eddie slapped my arm.

"richie its not funny, your hurt. they hurt you. that isn't funny" eddie looks serious.

"eds, its fine. I think its funny," he gives me a dirty look, "im fine"

"richie do you think if you were fine you'd be sitting in a fucking hospital bed getting questioned by the fucking police?!" he almost screamed.

"calm down eds. its fine, im fine. seriously." he sits back down in his chair and i turn back to the police.

"have they ever abused you physically?"

"where do you think i got all these scars from, ole chap?" i said in an almost British accent pointing to my arms and legs, "except not this one. i did this one myself" i pointed to my arm, which was bloody and wrapped in gauze.

"would you be okay with your parents going to trial? you would have to attend."

"yes" the police officer on the left nodded and began to get up, but the other one pulled him back down.

"one more question Mr. Tozier"

"ask away"

"why'd you try attempting suicide? your friends were very worried" he whispered, not grabbing the attention of the others.

"there's many reasons. for starters, im a failure. i don't listen in school and i get bad grades, even though i try my best. and im a trashmouth. that's actually my nickname. im richie trashmouth tozier, due to my obnoxious, ever running mouth. and my parents don't really care about me. they just throw me around like im some sort of toy. they've been doing it since i was born. they wanted another girl, not an obnoxious, trashmouth boy. and they hurt me. i know i act like i don't care but i don't want to concern eds over there. he cares about me way more than he should" i sighed when i finished talking.

"any other reasons? there seems to be something else bothering you. you can tell me, i won't tell anyone."

"I'm not afraid that you might tell someone, im afraid that you might wanna hurt me after i tell you." i replied.

"why? because im a cop you think I'll hurt you?"

"no, its because you live in Derry. and what im going to tell you isn't exactly accepted here." i looked down at my hands, which were fidgeting.

"im very accepting, trust me" he winked at me. i sighed.

"fine. listen, you see the small kid with the fanny pack over there?" i pointed to eddie. the cop nodded, "i like him. but not in a friend way, in a romantic way. because im gay" he raised his eyebrows, but didn't look surprised.

"oh. well thank fuck for that" he said.

"what? aren't you gonna call me the f word and tell me to get out of your town?" i asked, confused by his reaction.

"what? no! richie, i have a husband. and he's sitting right next to me" he grabbed the hand of the other officer, who just smiled. i felt relieved, "listen kid. be who YOU are, you hear me? hell, my life is so much better being out and with my husband. im so much happier than i was when i was your age. i didn't come out to myself until i was 28. im proud of you for even coming out to yourself at such a young age, tozier. how old are you? 16? 17?"

"16. and thank you. i needed that" i gave him a reassuring smile and he got up and left the room with his husband.

"i packed up your stuff, rich. aunt Mel is waiting for us at home. im pretty sure shes gonna be your legal guardian when mom and dad go to jail" i nodded and grabbed the bags from her hand, standing up from the bed.

"richie give your arm a break, let me carry one of the bags" eddie said.

"eddie seriously its okay" i replied.

"richie... please" i looked at him before giving him one of the bags. he smiles and carries it out to my sisters car, shoving it in the trunk.

"ready?" my sister asks at the drivers wheel.

"yeah" she smiles at me before pressing on the gas.

sometimes, i think things are bad.
i think that nothing good will ever happen to me.
but then i look around, at my friends.
and i realize,
everything will be just fine.