the stars in your eyes

•6•

he climbed back into my room, picking the crumpled up piece of paper off the floor and crawling back onto my roof. my hands and legs started shaking. i felt my throat close up. i was breathing heavily. i was more nervous than ever for him to read it. i knew that if i said no, he would bug me forever about it. but if i said yes, he'd figure out my biggest secret, and probably leave me. i couldn't stay there any longer. my nervousness got the best of me as i looked at him while he read the note. he finished reading and looked up at me.
"richie-" before i could stop myself, i pushed myself off the roof, hitting the ground harder than ever. i heard him call my name, but i got up and ran as fast as i could up the street. when i hit the main part of town, i started to walk and flipped the hood of my hoodie on my head, keeping my head down and my hands in my pockets. tears rolled down my face as everything had just hit me. all the pain, mentally and physically, had just set in. my arms and legs ached with bruises. my stomach felt queasy and my head hurt like hell. i wanted to fall off a cliff and into a pool of hungry sharks.
i swung open the door to the local 24 hour convenience store and walked through the isles. i found the alcohol isle and grabbed 3 bottles of vodka along with an airhead and a hershey bar. i walked up to the cashier who gave me a worried look, noticing the bruises and cuts all over me. i pulled a $10.00 bill out of my pocket and handed it to him. he looked at me once more and noticed the tears.
"it's on me, kid" he smiled and winked at me.
"thank you. you don't know how much this means to me. it's been a hell of a day for me" i leaned on the counter as he bagged my items.
"why are you here so late kid? don't you got a bedtime?" he asks.
"i was asleep, but woke up and went out on my roof to watch the stars. then something happened with my friend and i ran all the way here so we wouldn't have to talk about it..." i looked down, trying to hold back the tears. i felt my body get hot since the stores heat was on and took of my sweatshirt. the cashier gave me another really worried look when he glanced at my arm.
"your just flesh and bone kid. what happened to your arm?" he pointed to it.
"suicide attempt....." i mumbled.
"Jesus Christ. need someone to talk to? i'm not gonna say shit to anyone, trust me. my husband is the only person i talk to and he wouldn't care anyways!" he laughs a bit.
"wait- husband? your gay too?" i blurted out on complete accident.
"yeah, your gay?" he asks, bringing me over to a table in the back of the store and sitting me down.
"yep. and the worst part about it is, i'm in love with my best friend" i replied.
"ah! so is that what started this whole fiasco? tell me the whole story, from start to finish" i nodded and proceeded to tell him the entire story.
"holy shit. no kid should have to go through all that. now you listen to me, and you listen good: if that little one...what's his name?" he starts.
"eddie" i reply.
"eddie, right. if eddie cant see what a strong, amazing kid you are, he's not worth your time! i'm sure everything will work out for you" he gives me a warm smile.
"no i don't think so..."
"why not kid?"
"nothing ever does. not for me at least. it's just the way things have always been, you know?" i noticed that i was fidgeting with my hands.
"aw come on kid! have a little faith" before i could say anything else, the doors to the convenience store swung open. it was eddie. i scrambled to my feet, hiding behind the shelves. he was panting and looking around for me. he had tears in his eyes and his inhaler in his hand.
"excuse me sir? have you seen a tall, pale, skinny boy with black hair and glasses walk in here?" eddie walked up to the cashier, who pointed to me ducking in the isle.
fuck
eddie ran over to me, jumping into my arms. i hugged the small boy back, taking in his comforting scent.
"Jesus rich, you scared me. don't ever do that again, please?" he hugged me tighter.
"i won't, i won't, calm down. take a hit of your inhaler before you have a heart attack please" he nods and presses the trigger, breathing in and out.
"can we go home now? i really need to talk to you. and please don't run from this conversation, rich. i'm begging you" he looked up at me with his adorable, chocolate brown eyes. i pushed a curl from his forehead and nodded.
"fine. just promise me one thing" i replied.
"anything"
"you'll still be friends with me after our conversation...."
"richie, you'll always be my bestfriend, no matter what happens to us and our relationship. now come on i need to do something before i chicken out" he grabs my hand and pulls me out of the store. before we get out the door, i thank the cashier. eddie and i walk down the street together, side by side. my hands were shaking. eddie looks down at my hands and grabs the one closest to him, his fingers intertwining with mine.
"calm down" he gives me a reassuring smile and turns back to the road. when we arrive back at my house, we climb in through my window. eddie plops down on my bed and lotions for me to lay next to him. when i do, he puts his arm around me and leans in close to me.
"richie.....i like you too" he whispers to me. i look at him, he's smiling.
"wait- really? you like me back? like romantically? wait, your gay too?" i ask, a smile itching at my mouth.
"of course i like you back dumbass. how could i not? your perfect" he starts playing with my hair. i smile and lay on his chest as he fidgets with my small curls.
"goodnight eds"
"goodnight richie"