the stars in your eyes

•5•

i sat on my bed, my whole body shaking. my parents had just walked in the door. eddie looked at my nervously.
"what the fuck is this?" i heard my dad scream. i listened as he crumpled a piece of paper.
"what does it say?" my mother asked.
"this is richies suicide note, maggie" my dad got angrier as he spoke. i squinted my eyes in an attempt to make everything go away. i knew what was about to happen. my parents were about to find out that i'm gay. and they were gonna say it right in front of eddie.
"so? what about it is making you mad? we both wanted the kid dead anyways" tears rolled down my face as i heard those words come out of my mothers mouth.
"rich, it's okay, calm down. why are you so nervous?" eddie rubbed my back.
"you'll find out in a couple minutes...." i trailed off.
"you see here maggie, our son wrote this on his suicide note" a few seconds of silence overcame the house before i heard my mother gasp. i squinted my eyes as i heard their footsteps come closer and closer. they bursted through my door, note in their hand.
"come here boy" my dad picked me up by my shirt collar.
"i have a name you know!" i yelled in his face. he slapped me once before throwing me back down on the floor.
"is this true richard? are you a little faggot? huh? are you? cause it says here that-" i cut him off.
"shut up! shut up! don't read the rest please! i'm begging you! you've already embarrassed me enough! i'd rather you beat the shit out of me then say what i wrote next!" i yelled. he gave the note to my mother who just stood there and watched.
"you'd rather get the shit beat out of you huh? i'll do that!" he picked me up again and punched me numerous times. he slammed me down so hard, i could feel the room shake. he kicked at me a couple more times before my mom stepped in.
"that's enough wentworth! your gonna kill the kid and we're gonna go to fucking jail! i'd rather him kill himself!" she pulls him away from me. eddie quickly runs over to me, pulling medical supplies from his fannypack.
"i don't want a fucking gay in my house!" my dad spit in my face before walking out of the room and dropping the note on my bedroom floor.
"richie? richie? are you okay? come on rich speak to me! please" i let out a groan and tried to move to a more comfortable side of my floor. eddie put ice packs and bandages on the spots where i had been bleeding or bruised up and somehow carried me to my bed.
"get my sister.....her room is down the hallway to the left" eddie nods and leaves the room, coming back with my sister.
"richie why didn't you scream for help or something?! i would've called the fucking police!" lizzie rushes in my room.
"screaming doesn't work liz. trust me, i've tried." i laughed a bit.
"richie this isn't something to laugh about. look at you! you could be dead right now!" eddie yells, a tear rolling down his cheek. he quickly wipes it away, but another falls down.
"don't cry, spaghetti, i'll be fine. if i've got advil, vodka, and my anti-depressants i'll be all set" i try and smile but eddie wasn't having it.
"i'm just gonna leave you two...." lizzie smirks at me and leaves the room.
"hey richie?" eddie says after a few moments of silence.
"yeah?" i reply, beginning to shake again. he could feel me shaking and put his hand on my hand to calm me down. i squeezed his hand as i panicked more and more.
"was what your dad was saying......true?" i try my best not to make eye contact with him, but he's looking directly at me.
"uh...well- yeah it is. and i totally get it if you don't wanna be friends anymore i'm so sorry if-" he cups his hand around my face.
"stop it, rich. please. of course i'm still going to be your friend. richie, you'll always be my best friend no matter what. i would never leave you just because your gay! that's so stupid! stan and bill are gay and i'm okay with it! why wouldn't i be okay with it if it was you?" he moves to lay next to me, pulling the covers over his small figure. we were still holding hands at this point, even though i had stopped shaking.
"because i like y-" i stopped myself. i began shaking again. this time, i started to cry. eddie pulled me into a hug, my head leaning on his chest.
"hey, hey, hey shhhh it's okay richie" i cried into his chest for hours that night until i fell asleep. eddie played with my hair that entire night, and never taking his hand off mine.
i woke up at 3:32 in the morning. i looked up to eddie, who was sound asleep. i slowly stood up and walked over to my alcohol cupboard and grabbed 2 bottles of vodka and an advil. i climbed out my window and sat on the roof, sipping the liquid from the glass bottle.
"oh so we're doing this again?" eddie stood at the frame of my window and climbed out to sit with me. i rest my head on his shoulder and continue to sip the alcohol.
"hey rich, can i ask you something?" eddie says suddenly, breaking the silence.
"anything, eds" i reply.
"can i read your note?" with that i took a deep breath and said "yes"