the stars in your eyes

•10•

i ended up falling asleep that night after hours of crying. when i woke up, no one else was in the bedroom. i could hear them all from down the hall. i stood up from bevs bed and rubbed my eyes, glancing at the clock.
10:03 am
i walked out of her room and down the hallway to the kitchen, where everyone was sitting.
"good morning rich, how'd you sleep?" bev asks, giving me a hug.
"it took me a while, but i managed to get at least 4 hours in. thanks for helping me guys. i appreciate it" i give them all a light smile and sit next to bev at the table.
"anytime, richie. we understand this is hard for you. we're gonna get through it together." stanley says, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"hey rich? would you be okay if we invited eddie over to ask him what the hell happened and why he did it?" bev asks.
"if i'm not in the same room as him, i'm sure i can survive....." i trail off. i feel tears pull at my eyes but i manage to hold them back.
"are you sure? cause i don't wanna upset you-" i put my hand on bevs shoulder to reassure her.
"i have to get over him somehow bev. it's fine." she gives me a warm smile and stands up, heading over to the phone. she dials a number and holds the phone up to her ear.
"hello? eddie? hey it's bev. listen, i know your not going to want to but i need you to come over today. when? oh well i guess nows a good time! okay...see you then" she hangs up the phone and walks back over to the table.
"he's on his way over here. are you ready?" she places her hand on my back.
"i guess so...." i stand up and walk to the couch, throwing myself down on it. my head ached with pain. i groaned into the pillow and turned my body over to look at bev, who was eagerly waiting for eddie to arrive.
"why are you so excited about this?" i ask, nearly beginning to cry knowing eddie will be here soon.
"i'm not excited, richie. i'm eager to know why he did what he did so i can punch his face in" she smirks at me. i roll my eyes and listen as i hear the doorbell ring. bev walks to the door and opens it.
"come on in eddie. you can sit on the couch over there" she points to the couch opposite of me. i watch eddie walk in. tears fall out of my eyes. i turn over and let them flood the pillow.
"okay so first i'm gonna ask-" bev stops and walks closer to me. she puts her hand on my shoulder.
"your gonna be okay richie. please keep it together. stay strong. you can do this" i nod, but don't move from my position on the couch, still crying into the pillow.
"is h-he okay?" eddie asks, innocently. his voice made me cry harder. hearing it, listening to it, made me sadder as i realized that he isn't mine anymore. the rest of the losers made their way over to my place on the couch and began to comfort me.
"want us to be honest with you, eddie?" stan says.
"please...." eddie replies. i sit up, wiping my face but still letting tears to fall down. i rest my head on bills shoulder, who rubs my back.
"no, he really isn't. not at all. he cried almost all day and night yesterday and will continue that cycle for a while." stan says. eddie sighs and looks down at his shoes.
"can i ask you a question eddie?" bev asks. the name eddie made me upset. more tears fell down my cheeks but i managed to cry silently, not bringing attention to me.
"go for it" he lets out another sigh before looking directly at me. i make eye contact with him, and let the tears fall down. he frowns, and turns to beverly.
"why'd you break up with richie?" and with that, i broke down again, burying my head in the pillow, soaking it with my tears. bill continues rubbing my back and mike keeps reassuring me.
"shhh it's gonna be okay richie" mike says.
"i- it's hard to explain-" i sit up and look at him.
"eddie there's no need to explain." i say, tears still falling.
"w-what?" he replies.
"you don't have to explain. i get it. you thought you liked me but you just liked the idea of me. i understand. you don't like me for my personality, or looks, you like me for the fact that you can call yourself 'taken' or 'in a relationship'. it's fine. i don't know why i thought someone as amazing as you could like someone like me. so don't explain yourself. i get it" i managed to spit out between sobs.
"richie it's not-" he starts but i cut him off.
"it's fine." i stand up and push the door open, but eddie grabs my wrist in time and pulls me back in.
"richie that's not why i broke up with you......" he said, looking me directly in the eyes. he uses his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
"no i get it it's fine-" i start but he cuts me off.
"that's not why!" he yells, "it's because i was forced too, richie! i would never break up with you on purpose! never! there was this guy in the group of people that walked over to me when you were talking to the other guy and said 'if you don't break up with your faggot boyfriend, i will fucking murder you. and that's not a threat, that's a fucking promise' and then spit in my face and walked away. i wasn't gonna break you with until i saw a gun in his back pocket. i freaked out and did it, which was the stupidest decision ever. i love you, richie. and i'm sorry i made you go through so much in the last day. i'm so so sorry and i understand if you don't wanna take me back-" i cut him off by smashing my lips against his.
"of course i'm gonna take you back, eds," i cup my hands around his cheeks, "i love you" i kiss him softly on the forehead and turn back to the others.
"holy shit..." bev says.
"so much just happened in a matter of 2 minutes-" stan replies.
"i d-don't even know h-how to respond" bill stutters.
"i'm fine now, thank you guys. for helping me all last night. i love you guys!" i give them a soft smile and they return it.
"wanna head to my place eds?" i ask, intertwining my fingers with his.
"of course trashmouth" we walk out the door and head up the street to my house.
and just like that, my life was back to being okay.
more than okay.
amazing.