the stars in your eyes

•4•

we pulled into my driveway and all stepped out of the car.
"want us to stay over to keep you some company? seems like you don't have many people at home" bev asks, her hand on my shoulder.
"thanks, but i'll be just fine with lizzie. i'll see you guys later" they all nod and turn to leave. lizzie heads for the house, but i just stay outside. i hadn't been outside in days and the air felt so warm and comforting. i watched as my friends made their way to the sidewalk and started up the street. eddie stops walking and turns around, running to me. when he gets to me, we meet face to face.
"why?" he says breaking the silence.
"what?" i reply, confused.
"why'd you do it, rich?" he looked upset.
"i have issues, eds. not everyone has a perfect little mind like you. my mind fucks with me and makes me suicidal. but it's also my parents. and the fact that i'm-" i stopped myself before i could say anything else.
"your what?"
"nothing never mind" i turned around but he pulled me back.
"your what richie? tell me, i'm your bestfriend"
"eds it's not that easy! i cant just say it! the words won't come out. i'll tell you when i'm ready okay?" he gives me a concerned look but nods. he turns to walk away, but turns back around. he wraps his small figure around mine, his hands clutching my waist.
"your worth it, rich. i'm glad your here. i don't know what i'd do without you. don't ever leave me" he sounds like hers going to cry.
"i won't eddie, i promise. wanna stay night at my house?" he pulls from the hug and wipes a few tears.
"i'd love that. i'll be over in a few with all my stuff." he starts skipping down the street, and i just smile at him.
"you really like him huh?" lizzie puts her hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of the trans i was in.
"what? oh um yeah as a friend..." she rolls her eyes and holds up a piece of paper.
"richie, stop lying. i read your note." fear rises in my body. panic sets in more. i start to breathe heavily, and get this queasy feeling in my stomach.
"d-do you hate me now?" i managed to spit out. my whole body was shaking. i thought no one would ever find out. id never told anyone that before.
"are you kidding me? why would i hate you? quit shaking rich, your scaring me. let's head inside and talk about this" she leads me into my room, where i sit next to her on my bed, "why are you so nervous right now?"
"i've never told anyone this before. i just recently came to terms with it myself. this is scary, liz. i'm afraid he's gonna find out." she pulls me into a hug.
"it's okay richie. you need to tell him though. i'm not rushing you, i'm just telling you to tell him when your ready okay? promise?" she holds out her pinky and i wrap mine around hers.
"promise."