All That I Have Written

PROLOGUE

Twenty years had passed, but I still can't believe. Until now I can't imagine how I've survived this long to a place that gave me nothing else but dullness & made me feel unhappy.

When I was a kid, I thought that life was full of excitement, enjoyment and happiness that anyone could feel. I always imagine that this kind of thought will never change. But I never expect that at the young age my world will ruined. I felt that my fate and the people around me worked together for me to feel that this world will not rotate the way I imagined it. But it looks like they enlighten me to the reality. A world where you need to fight for your own good. But no one to depend on but just me. But what saddens me more is that those people that I thought that I can lean on, a people that I can consider as a knight in shining armor. Let me fight on my own. A fight where I don't know if I can consider myself as a conqueror.

It's hard to have no one to just listen to anything about how you feel or what bothers the peace in our minds. I felt so much pain that it numbs me but I can do nothing but to accept the fact that in the real world, you can only expect no one else but yourself.

Only in writing I can vent out or voice out all the pain I've going through, writing that I consider as my comfort zone.

Everyday it comes back to my memory of how destiny forbids me to live happily in a beautiful paradise that I've always imagined and dreamed of living. Whenever I feel happy, it is always accompanied by sadness. Destiny always made me feel that I could never live in peace.

But, I'm still thankful to God that all of this happened. Because of this, I met the person who will not allow me to feel alone, showed me that she is my knight and shining armor, my shoulder to cry on, a person who's willing to fight alongside of me and face my fear. And at that moment happiness started to rise, hope started to burst. Every time I stare at her, I can't contain my happiness, smile started to widen to my face, her smile is a representation that it was worth living in a place like paradise. Her eyes are like a diamond in the night sky, so fascinating that can't afford to stare, stare that you will never get tired to look it's beauty, eyes that I consider an open window to her pure soul, those eyes are my hope that pain can be transformed into eternal happiness and the only medicine to heal the stitches and the pain of my miserable past.

But those hope gives me great pain, pain that I thought I will never meet again. Anger started to darken my bright hope. But I will not allow that anger to ruin the life I rebuild with happiness, so I fight that anger and pain before they devour the rainbow in my night sky.

I fought everything for her. And I can say that it was the best thing that ever happened in my life. Fight for something that you frightened just for the person you love. Because of her, my life has changed. She was the reason why I didn't give up. All the sad things that happened in the past were replaced with so much joy.

Now, I stand in this place, a place who can testify the changes in my life. A place where hurt turned into happiness.

As a strong wind started to embrace my painful journey. I know at that time we were in a same place watching me from afar wearing her beautiful smile, full of hope that I can be a better person that I intended to be. Tears were slowly falling from my eyes but those are not tears of sadness but a tears of Joy that at some point of my miserable life I met a beautiful angel who build a strong memories of hope in what we call Life.