Hearts Race, The Moments Gone - Andy Biersack

Does Anyone Ever Hear Her When She Cries?

Jenessa's POV

I woke up from my bed, but I didn't want to move. How could I after yesterday? I felt used. I felt broken. I felt sick. I couldn't stop crying either. No matter how hard I tried. I held the blankets to my chest and sobbed. Good thing it was quiet enough since no one has bothered me. Yet.

I thought too soon because I heard a knock. Before I could say "go away" my mother opened uo the door. She had a smile until she noticed I was crying. She ran over to me and hugged me.

"What's wrong baby" She stroked my hair. She actually expected me to speak?

I shook my head. She let me cry and cry and cry. She stroked my hair for hours probably. How does this woman put up with me?

"Do you want me to call Andy?" I heard the sadness in her voice but she covered it up pretty well. I guess that date helped.

"N-no. H-he w-would h-hat-te m-me" I stuttered and began to sob again.

"He's your father. He would never hate you. Why do you think that?" She looked me in the eye and started wiping my tears.

"I-I m-made a m-mistake" I cried.

"What happened?" My mom pushed for an answer but I didn't want to give it.

I thought about it. I made me cry harder. I felt the shattered pieces of my broken hear fall into my stomach. It made me want to throw up. So I ran to the bathroom and I threw up.

I cried and moved to a corner. I held my knees to my chest. I pulled down my long sleeves, not wanting my mom to see the memories that scars leave. I thought that making me bleed would be the answer that could wash the slate clean.

My mom handed me mouth wash. I washed out my mouth. I sat down in the corner again and didn't dare to look her in the eyes. I thought she would have been so ashamed.

"Tell me please. I can't stand seeing you hurt" She held my hands and I jerked them away.

"M-Mi-Michael" I could barely get his name out.

"What about him?" She sat next to me, trying to comfort me but she wouldn't understand. Andy didn't use her like he who shall not be named used me.

"I loved him. I still do. Fuck" I began to sob again.

"Did you tell him?" She asked.

"Yes. He said it back. But it was all a lie. I gave it to him mom, my virginity. That's all he wanted. He wanted sex. He used me. He fucking used me!" I shouted before sobbing more violently.

My mom sat there speechless. I thought she would have walked away, but she didn't. She took my arms and lifted my sleeves instead. At this point I didn't care. I wanted to die anyway. Who cares if she knew?

Then, she cried. She stared at my arm and cried. I don't understand why. I've done worse. There were only about 15. I've had them going from my shoulder to wrist. This wasn't even close to bad. But, what I wanted to do was so much worse.

"I never done this myself" She continued. "But one time I thought about it. After Andy left the first time. Only for two seconds though. But" She sighed and blinked back anymore tears. "Chloe was with Vic Fuentes. He cheated on her with Violet. They are fine now but Chloe tried to kill herself after that. You were four. I wanted to rip his little throat out. I never thought I would feel that again until now. Except I want to kill Michael"

"No" I still loved him to death. "And Chloe did that?"

"Yes. She was also pregnant with his child. Then she met Jason. At first he was hurt that she was pregnant but Alli explained it to him. She gave the baby up for adoption. It was the best choice for the child honestly. Plus Chloe doesn't want children. Or so she says."

"Wow" I take a deep breath. "But mom, it was more than once. It was a lot. Like twice a day. I feel so disgusted with myself" I cried into her shoulder and she held me.

"Jenessa, did he cheat?" She questioned with a very worried tone.

"Yeah. He gave me a list of girls hes used" I wipe my tears, now feeling more angry then sad.

"We should get you checked" She looked at me with caring eyes.

"For what?" I feel my heart dropped, worried.

"For an STD"