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Inhaling, running, and glimpsing at my watch. I was so late! My feet dragged me along the school's pavement and I started moving once again as I reached the hallways. Last night, I barely had slept, I didn't sleep at all. I slipped in the white tiles, luckily I didn't lose balance. Opening the door from my classroom, I huffed, seeing that the teacher wasn't there yet. My body felt relieved.
I sat on my table and closed my eyes from exhaustion until that video from last night slipped through my mind.
Was it really just a hidden camera??? Why did it feel so real? And Armys already told them to delete the content but...
What if it was true? What will happen now? What would I do? They're the only ones who understand me. If so... Then... I don't know who I am without you.
I felt a sudden nervousness, shivers run down on my spines. I couldn't help but get paranoid about this.
_____
The day was finished earlier today, I packed my things and went straight home. I don't know but I feel extra tired today, My body was trembling and worry was taking over me.
I sat on a chair in the kitchen, I stared at the window far from my seat, “ You're home early?” I heard somebody from behind, It was just mom. I smiled but soon it turned out to frown, “ You look awful, did something happen?” My mom asked, she knew it right away. I sat there and sigh, watching her as he grabbed water from the fridge,
“ Remember when you said that you'd buy us a ticket if BTS did their last concert?” I asked, hopefully, she'll be able to understand.
“ Yeah, What about it? But, It depends on your grades, you should do better,” She said, I felt stiff, hearing those words makes me irritated, My grades weren't good enough for her? It's always the same yet It makes me feel like I'm worthless.
“ I will do my best, Mom...” Pausing, I looked away, fidgeting my hands. I felt nervous talking about them with my mom, I never talk about them... She would understand if I do so, but now... I felt the urge to say it, “ They released a video last night... It's about disbandment and It makes me worried,”
“ Why worry? They don't even know you, Y/n,” Her words struck into my heart like it was an arrow, I knew she would say that. I felt rage but I decided not to go off in front of her, “ Mom, If they're going to disband—”
“ Enough, Y/n... You're talking as if they did something to your life, Look at yourself! You're obsessed and all those people don't even know you exist yet you worship them like gods? Go to your room and study! It would help you more than BTS!”
I knew it, I knew that this was going to happen. I furrowed my eyebrows,
“ It's not an obsession! It's support! You don't even know them!” I yelled at her,
“ So do you! Now you're talking back! This is such a ridiculous argument and it's about those people,”
“ Those people helped me through my pain when you're not even there! THOSE PEOPLE made me feel enough unlike YOU who always see my mistakes! Do you think it'd be better if you corrected it? It makes me feel like shit! ” I cried, feeling a lump in my throat, I looked away not regretting what I said.
She stared at me with those glaring eyes, I could tell that she was pissed, and I sat there, biting my lip as I looked over my mother, “ I thought you'd understand me... I thought about telling you because you're the only person I could rely on... I guess I'm wrong after all,” I felt the tears forming in my eyes, but I fought it. I smiled at my mother and said:
“ Someday, you will understand me, Mom... Someday, You'll realize that you're wrong. Those seven guys stayed with me in my darkest days, they always helped me and they're the reason why I have those,” I said, referring to the medals hanging on the wall,
“ They helped me move forward yet you can't even tell that I'm doing great, right? Because you've always judged me, you don't even know it, but it hurts, Mom...it hurts,” Tears were now falling, I left the kitchen and went to my room.
My heart felt a little lighter now that I've said it to her. It feels so good speaking my mind but I couldn't control my tears, it fell carelessly.
I glanced at the poster from my wall, my eyes widened as I saw them smiling at me as if they were saying “good job,” “ You did great,” “ You're the best!”
I smiled at them, whipping my tears off, then I remembered when someone said: “ Crying doesn't make you feel weak, it makes you stronger,”
