Tales From The Borderlands

Chances

Nagkakilala kami ni Karl online. Friends to lovers ang troupe namin.

We've been together since 2021 and never pa kami nagkita dahil he's from Visayas while I'm from Luzon. We're both students pa at wala kaming kakayahang puntahan ang isa't isa. Our relationship started when we were both in 11th grade.

Sa loob ng dalawang taong relasyon namin, chat, call, and video call lang ang means of communication namin.

But until now, I find it hard to accept na kilala siya ng family ko while his family doesn't even know my existence.

Binanggit ko na siya kay mama nung nanliligaw pa lang siya. My mama knows him at friend pa nga sila sa facebook, same with my younger siblings na kalaro niya pa minsan sa ML.

He didn't even introduce me to his parents kahit sa video call man lang. As in never. Ang pinapakita niya lang sa video call ay ang pamangkin nyang babae na siguro around 5-6 years old.

At first it was fine lang sakin kasi nahihiya rin naman ako pero habang tumatagal, I found it weird na bakit hindi niya man lang ako magawang mabanggit sa parents niya?

Then ang pinaka downfall ng relationship namin ay nang magstart siyang mag-ask ng personal photos. I understand na may desire ang mga lalaki lalo at matagal na rin naman kami pero I'm not stupid to engage in those things.

In the last week of May 2023, we broke up.

Not because I initiated it, but he did.

He said it's better to end things between us because he sees me suffering from the pain that he has caused, but he never knows that all I wanted is for him to stay even though it hurts.

I kept on asking him if he still wants us to continue because his actions and words don't match.

"Mahal kita, alam mo yan. Pero as long as nakakausap kita, hindi matitigil tong urge ko sa bagay na ayaw mo. Maybe it's better for us na tumigil muna sa pag-uusap para makontrol ko sarili ko." — chat niya sakin.

I already told him what I wanted and was expecting that he'll do something about it, he should change his ways while we're together, he doesn't have to leave.

I really want us to work na willing akong magstay pagtyagaan na unti-unti niyang kontrolin nararamdaman niya but he ended up saying, "You deserve better but I can't give you what you deserve. Hindi ko kayang magbago agad. Tsaka parang nahihirapan na rin ako sa set up natin, parang hindi ko pala kaya."

I saw many reasons why I should give up on you despite the mistreatment, but I stayed. I showed you many reasons to stay, but you chose to leave.

Hindi mo kaya Idr? bakit naman inabot ka pa ng 2 years para marealize na hindi mo pala kaya? so ano ako dito? Ganon-ganon mo lang basta bibitawan pag narealize na hindi mo pala kaya? Ang sakit-sakit mo.

He was entirely unaware that I was willing to risk it all for him, I was willing to take all the pain if that's what it takes to be with him.

--

A week passed na hindi kami nag-usap.

I didn't know how I managed to take my final exams while dealing with that. He was so unfair for breaking up with me while my finals were ongoing.