Loki's fall (sequel to loss and Loki)

A Thousand sins come creeping in

I shifted myself to the side again, groaning irritably as I found myself unable to get comfortable whatsoever, no matter how many positions I shuffled into. My discomfort was only doubled as the heat from Sebastian's skin pressed against me added to the high temperature of the room and even in my thin satin night dress, I was still sweltering.

I gently removed his hand from around my waist, turning to his sleeping face as I made a mental note to fix the air conditioning as soon as possible. There was no way my British born body could handle the heat of this summer without some proper, working air conditioning.

My eyes rolled over his face, carefully studying each part of his skin in the cold blue hue of the night that spilled fluidly from the window. His face was relaxed and softly strung in sleep, his mouth ever so slightly turned up in a self satisfied smirk.

I always tended to be grateful of his presence when the night turned up. It was selfish of me,  but I seemed to crave some form of company once the sky had calmed to a cool, crisp darkness and a soft spoken silence had descended over us. It was then when I turned against solitude, I resented my lack of company and truly wished to not be alone for a while.

Sebastian sighed softly, his quiet breath fanning over my forehead as I clenched my jaw uncomfortably, already beginning the age old battle between my selfish need and my guilty conscience.

I knew what I was doing was so wrong. Few people in the world had ever done anything that could deserve this kind of cruelty, and Sebastian was definitely not one of them. I was selfishly using him, like naught but an object to satiate my need for company when I felt alone and to temporarily distract me from the corrupt body of my memories that seemed to hover over me in its cold agonising form, plucking each string of my sanity when I was most vulnerable.

I was a cold hearted bitch, and I could never deserve the pure heart Sebastian constantly tried to hand me. His pressing affections and undying loyalty were luxuries that I was starved of for a reason. I wasn't built for love it was as simple as that. I took people's lives, not their hearts.

Even if for some reason I decided I could try to feel something for him, everything I built up for him would be fabricated and misleading. I couldn't give him what he wanted from me, or give him what he deserved, being the kind soul he was.

Yet, here I was, calmly wrapped in his bliss, lying traitorous in his love that spilled from every breath he let out that dripped with a loyal  invulnerability that should never have existed. He felt safe in my presence, he'd fall asleep with me lay right next to him, he'd open himself to me like he had no caution for his own destruction. So naive, and so innocent.

I hated myself for what I would do to him. I should've resisted him further, and I knew that the version of me from years before would have. She had all her morals lined up, she wouldn't have forced her cruel intentions on this wholly innocent man. She remained as stubborn as she could be.

I let out a breath I didn't realise I'd been holding and I unclenched my tensed jaw, massaging my aching gums as I sat up swiftly. I fanned myself with my hand and sighed exhaustedly.

Sleep wouldn't find me tonight. Or rather I wouldn't find it. Tonight it mocked me and hid itself, far away from my pleading, sleep deprived vessel. It wouldn't grant me the luxury of a soundless slumber, one that would cleanse me temporarily of my waging inner turmoil.

I pulled the thin sheet off of me and slid out of bed, enjoying the pleasant sensation of my socked feet cooling down as they pressed against the chilled wood of the hard floor. The heat immediately felt slightly less stifling as I stood and walked away from the sleeping form in my bed.