The day I decided to change my life

Epilogue (II)

"Hi, mom. Hi, dad." I pulled up a small smile as I glanced at their headstones for a moment, wiping the marble under me with my fingers. "I know it's been a while. Fuck, it's probably been years by now." I covered my mouth quickly. "Sorry." I had never cursed in front of them. I bit my lips and glanced at the sky, not finding the words. It's was a little cloudy today. The day had decided to match my mood.

Camille came more often; it had probably been two or three years since the last time I came talk to them. Not that I ever talked much. "I... I have a boyfriend?" I sighed. "Okay, it's not a question. I have one. His name is Luca. He's... he's great actually. You'd love him."

I glanced at the path where I came from. Luca was waiting for me in the car. "He's actually the one who told me to come see you guys. I don't even know if you guys are there, if you can... hear me. It's been a while since I stopped believing in all this." I shrugged as I played with my fingers. "He's more religious than I am. He's got a silver chain with a cross and all. You'd love that, dad." I chuckled.

I licked my lips. "I've been having these dreams lately... I haven't even told Luca, but I feel he knows something's up. You are in them, and I don't really wanna be specific, but it's a ton of harsh words between us. I feel so guilty for the way I talked to you guys that day... I can't-" At that moment I realized I had started crying. Or maybe it started raining. Maybe both. "I can't stop thinking about it, every day of my life." I sobbed. "I need you guys to forgive me. I was a teenager, I was stupid. And I know it was a stupid fight, but the fact that I could never say goodbye to you guys, it... it breaks my heart." I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and breathed out a sob. "I miss you guys, so much. I'm so, so sorry."

After a while trying to calm my breathing, I walked slowly towards the car again. It felt as if one thousand bricks fell from my shoulders. Luca got out of the car quickly as soon as he saw my face. "Are you alright?" He engulfed me in an embrace and I felt safer that I had ever felt before.

I nodded. "I needed that. Thank you for making me do it."

He smiled and pulled apart, now staring at me with a serious expression. Almost as if he was nervous. "Can I... Can I talk to them?"

I opened my mouth a little. "Sure." I nodded quickly. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him so we began to walk. He stopped in his tracks.

"I meant... Alone." He said with a little smile.

I frowned. "Why?"

Luca glanced away and I could swear he blushed. "I wanted to..." He bit his tongue with the side of his mouth and stared back at me again. "Can I?"

"Yeah, yeah. Go." The frown never left my brow until Luca kissed it away before he walked away.

In our way back my sister's house, I got so curious that I couldn't hold it anymore. Luca pushed up his glasses a little before he turned left, his right hand coming to meet mine afterwards. "What did you say?"

He knew what I was talking about and smirked. "I'm not telling you."

"Why?"

"It's private."

"They're my parents."

He smiled again. "You met my mom too, what's the big deal?"

"I just... I just stood there as you talked to her, now I feel like I should've said something." I glanced out the window.

"Did you want to say something when you were there?" He asked, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

"No..." I opened my mouth pensively. "Not really."