The day I decided to change my life

Chapter 45: Porn

I used to like going for a walk after dinner. It relaxed me. I had always liked to watch people, try to think where they were going, who they were, what did they want in life. I used to walk fast; I always did. It's something I got from my mom. I liked to walk and just walk until I didn't know where I was. Sometimes I discovered new places, sometimes I ended up with an objective. Like, if I was walking and I happened to be close to Ace's house. Hey, let's go see the Nolan family. If I found myself walking near my favorite diner; hey, let's get some food. It'd be like that. I remember I loved it. It made me calm before sleep, always so hyperactive myself.

But after my mom got sick, I stopped. I didn't know exactly when, I didn't remember the day, but I remembered the day I realized I stopped doing it. I was in Paris and both Nico and I had had a very heavy dinner. One of those dinners that your stomach gets all bloated and you think you're thirsty but when you drink water you make it ten times worse. Those dinners you get all sleepy and just want to lay in the couch. It was one of those nights, I felt the pull. I put on some sneakers and told Nico I was going for a walk. He nodded, but I remembered his confused expression.

I walked, I discovered streets and places that I had never seen. I compared them to home. I compared everything to home back then. Just when I was walking, as if it had been something really natural that I did every night, I remember thinking I used to do that before. I used to love it. How could I forget? But most importantly, why would you stop doing something that you loved so much?

That august night, I started to walk again. I did it in Paris almost every night but I hadn't done it at home since my mom died, in my city. I felt a little anxious, like I had only wasted half the energy that I have stored for that day.

I would say I did it unconsciously but maybe deep down, I really knew where I was going. It had been three days since I sent those flowers to Riley. She called me right after and thanked me. She said she was doing 'fine', but I could hear in her voice that she wasn't. She had always been like that, not wanting to show her emotions but doing too little to hide them. She couldn't. Just like me, she was an open book.

I texted her the days after and she said she got a visit from her family. Her sister Camille and her nephew were staying in a little hotel not too far from her. I knew why they were there, and it wasn't exactly because she was doing 'fine'. Don't get me wrong, it's not like her family didn't visit, but last time I was with her, they visited because she didn't want to be alone. Because she wasn't doing 'fine'.

So, I assumed it was that time too. Because why else would they visit when the kids were about to start school again?

In conclusion to all this, I found myself walking towards her apartment. It was a good 40 minutes' walk from my place, but it was worth it. I really needed to move my legs. That only reminded me, that I had to start working out. Maybe I'd start swimming again. I used to love it. And since we're resuming things that I loved to do, why not start again?

I stepped into her building at 9.04 pm with an ice cream tub in a bag. I had to do it, otherwise I wouldn't have had an excuse. The door in the entry was open so I didn't use the intercom and went into the elevator. I heard some murmurs as I approached her floor. When the doors opened, I saw the light coming from her place. Her sister and nephew were there. Shit. I hadn't seen them since I went to their house for thanksgiving. And I think the last thing they knew; I was the guy who dumped Riley and went to Paris. Great, just fucking great. I couldn't just go downstairs again; they were already looking at me. I smiled the best I could and stepped forward.

Camille had Keith's arms wrapped around her waist. He looked tired. He was much taller than the last time I saw him. He was probably 7 years old now, if my memory didn't fail me. Camille looked a little chubbier and Riley looked as incredible as always. She was only wearing a big t-shirt that covered her underwear but I got nervous just imagining that she wasn't wearing any pants under that.