Almost Mine (Ekis Babies #5)

Day 96

12:05 AM

Arzilea Madrigal
Just now • Only me

Belated Happy New Year.

Today's my flight. I just want to say goodbye for the last time.

Connor, my lord, I want to say what I've been unable to say all these years. My lord, the first time I saw you, I was totally in awe. I admire your confidence, your strength, and your aura. Sa mga kaibigan ni Kuya Rage, ikaw 'yong pasimple kong tinitingala. Kuya Luca and the rest would always talk about you and I could not help but admire you more.

Alam mo ba, noong nabu-bully ako, sa 'yo ako kumukuha ng lakas para pilitin pang pumasok sa school? Sa isip ko, kailangan kong maging malakas kagaya mo. It was just a simple admiration from someone. Alam mo 'yon? Nasa 'yo kasi 'yong mga katangian na hinihiling ko na sana ay meron ako. I admire you and at the same time, I envy you.

Nang maging college student ako, takot akong makipagkaibigan. Pero sinubukan ko unti-unti. Alam mo kung bakit? Dahil sa inyo nila Kuya Rage. Dahil nakita ko 'yong closeness ninyo nila Kuya Rage. Kasi nakita ko na kahit gaano ka ka-aloof, iba pa rin 'yong closeness ninyo. Sa isip ko, gusto ko niyan. Gusto ko ng ganyang friendship.

I was afraid, my lord. I was afraid to try only to be hurt again. But I tried. And I am glad. Kasi nagkaroon ako ng mga totoong kaibigan na alam kong nandyan para sa akin.

My lord, your mere existence brought me strength to face my fears. And I don't know how and when it started but the mere admiration I had for you grew into something more.

Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na bawal. I was underaged. Saka, ang dami mo nang naabot. Sino lang ba ako? Pero ang hirap pigilan. Siguro ito 'yong mali ko? 'Yong hinayaan kong umikot sa 'yo ang mundo ko? 'Yong masyado akong nalunod sa 'yo? I was too impulsive. I was too young. I am still young.

It was wrong of me to push myself towards you, lalo na n'ong ikaw ang lumalayo. It was wrong of me to pressure you into doing something that you don't actually like. I'm sorry. I'm sorry my love brought nothing but pain and awkward situations for you. I'm sorry for not noticing.

My lord, gusto ko sanang malaman mo, na mahal kita. Na sa batang puso ko, natuto akong magmahal. Hindi man tama ang paraan at panahon, pero ito 'yong pagmamahal na meron ako.

I wanted to send this message to you but decided against it because I don't want to burden you. Ayoko na. Ayoko nang manggulo. Siguro tama kayo. Siguro nga masyado pa akong bata? Masyadong reckless? Masyadong padalos-dalos? Masyadong nabulag?

You once told me to walk my path. I will. I will grow, and I will grow for myself, not for you. Not for anyone.

Thank you, my lord. Thank you for making me happy. Despite not loving me, loving you has been my greatest blessing. Thank you, my lord, for always thinking about myself first. Thank you for letting me spread my wings.

Masakit. Hanggang ngayon masakit. Pero naalala ko 'yong Connor na palagi akong pinapaalalahanan. Naalala ko 'yong Connor na palagi akong pinagsasabihan. Naalala ko 'yong Connor na inuuna ang kapakanan ko.

I remembered.

Maybe, it wasn't really the right time. And maybe, I wasn't the right one. And that's okay. I will be okay.

My lord, this will be the last time.

I love you, Connor Arke. Ikaw ang naging pamantayan ko sa lalaking mamahalin. Maybe I will be able to love someone new but you will always have a big part in my heart.

Connor Arke, my lord, hottorney, atty pogi, mahal na mahal kita. Maybe in another lifetime, I could be perfect for you.

Goodbye, my lord.