Back with another update!
AshuX
***
"I am what?" Kang Joon asked, taken aback and clearly hurt.
I repeated, "Drunk."
"Drunk?" He stared at his hands, "I must be."
I got up with a screech of the tables, causing So Mi and Ah Rin to wake up from their little nap. They looked lost for a few moments but then followed my steps after saying their greetings to Kang Joon.
I didn't know how to react to a confession like that. Especially from someone like Nam Kang Joon. I rejected him in that way because I'm not ready. I'm not ready to move on from Chance no matter how much I want to. I can't reciprocate my love for Kang Joon.
I regretted rejecting him like that, he must've put every bit of pride aside to confess to a friend. I shouldn't have said that he was drunk. It was harsh for anyone. I wanted to back and apologise but then no matter how much I butter the knife, it will still cut.
Would things have been different if I had rejected Chance this way? Because we were good friends for about four years, I could've remained just a friend and could've avoided all the tears I wasted for him. Things would've been different and it wouldn't have hurt me the way it did.
The saddest thing with any moment in life is considering a what if. A what if after a moment is a regret. I didn't want to regret letting go someone as cute as Chance. But now I regret ever holding him closer to my heart, I didn't know he would break it. I wanted to believe that my heart isn't broken, I wanted to blame myself for being reckless. I couldn't bring myself to blame it on Chance. Because my breakup never hurt me, his change of heart for me did.
Was it just like buying a cute dress, wearing it only to realise that I wasted my money because it doesn't look as great on my body? Was I just a T-shirt that he grew out of?
I sent Ah Rin and So Mi in taxis to their homes. They were too sleepy so I had to call So Mi's brother to make sure they reach home well. I couldn't take them home because I knew that I wouldn't be going home.
I walked to the park where I was this evening. The night is blooming with a beautiful moon on the sky. But I couldn't feel the beauty of the moon, I rather felt the darkness of the sky which was swallowing the night.
I didn't know why I rejected Kang Joon I knew for so long over memories I needed to wash away. I didn't mean to hurt him. But the way Chance slurred that he missed me still rung in my ears.
I'm too old to be feeling like a teenager again. I couldn't afford to stay that way when I'm soon to be starting a life on my own. My life isn't a Korean drama, I wasn't promised a beautiful love story. Maybe I'm a second lead but then who could be the first female lead that took my place? How can Chance replace me as if I meant nothing to him if he had no one?
The next day, I tried to brush the thoughts away from my hair from my head. I still couldn't forget how hurt Kang Joon looked. I couldn't look him in the eye. He didn't look me at all as I walked away. He wasn't used to being walked away, it must've hurt his pride and ego. But then it was a choice of the heart. Like Selena Gomez said, the heart always wants what it wants.
A few days flew by as my friends tried to set me up with guys from our highschool and college. They always mentioned one guy or another. Them being shocked is an understatement when I said I rejected Kang Joon. Ah Rin whined that I could've at least come up with a better excuse. But then no matter what the excuse is, it hurts.
May calmed me down and Mitch said that he wouldn't mention that night again. I was thankful that he didn't and kept his promise.
I wasn't just mad at Chance, I realised it as the days passed by. I was mad at everyone who couldn't just search for what they want instead of playing with people's hearts. Because it hurts a lot when one day you wake up and realise you meant nothing to him.
