you hurt me more than I deserved and maybe it's my fault for loving you more than you deserved. and i wish I could give you the pain you gave me for a moment not to hurt you but to make you understand how much you hurt me.
i wish you didn't tell me you loved me after days of ignoring and standing me up because you never did? It was so easy fucking with me because I made myself so vulnerable to you.
you don't hurt the people you say you love especially when you make yourself a home in their heart. you left with nothing. you talk about mental illness and the power it has to dominate people's minds but you didn't think to realise how your actions have dominated my fragility and sensitivity.
you left with no explanation, nothing. and after months of trying to make it make sense to me I come up with nothing because you lied. im not angry nor sad anymore, i just wish to understand how you have no regard for your mistakes and act like you haven't broken someone who tried so hard to make you feel a life outside of depression.
I hated waking up with the thought of not feeling good enough, of trying my absolute most trying to help and care for someone who is just comfortable with half assed involvement and communication and I was fine with that if that meant you'd talk to me for half an hour before ignoring me for days on end.
it hurt. and you knew it hurt. and you fucked my feelings about anyway. im not asking for closure, i just need to get this of my chest because I'm tired of balancing on a tight rope and I want to breathe.
i am genuinely really happy you have moved on because I'm sure your treating her right and I pray you will continue to do so because i know she deserves the world. it's a big achievement for me to use the past tense in this because i am loving again, and feeling better again and I am grateful for that
i feel free now and happy i have had the courage to express my emotions.
I can finally let go and disassociate myself with the past hurt.
Take care
