phone notes。

nobody.

After those few incidents
I think I've changed
I didn't change for the better
But Ive gotten more insecure
More afraid
Afraid of speaking
Replying
Meeting
People
I really don't know what to do
I'm so scared
The judgements from others
Even if they don't say it
I see it
The constant experiences of being left out
I don't even want to try that again
But it seems to just stick to me like a koala on a tree
I'm afraid of myself
I've lost a part of myself
But did I even know who I was before this?
Maybe I'm just overthinking
But still I know it's not that simple
I want to talk to someone
Yet I'm scared
Yet I can't express myself well
Now
Even if they invite me
I can't accept it as well as I used to
I can't not worry
I can't not think of what I should do and plan
When people ask
What do I even say?
I can't tell them
I don't know how to tell them
I don't want to tell them
I
I
I stumble and fumble for words
Then they think I'm pathetic
Another misunderstanding
Sigh
This cycle repeats
And I fall apart even more
I
I
I've become nobody
Help me
||16 june 2019