Be Loved

Chapter 12

To my beloved daughter Tshegofatso

Happy 4th birthday baby girl. I am sure your grandparents are taking good care of you. I wish they could send me a picture of you. That would be the best birthday gift for me ever. Are you attending creche? So much I don't know, but I know one day I will know when you are old enough to visit. Daddy loves you and misses you. I pray for you every day.

Love, your beloved dad.

After Sunday lunch, Keeya asks her grandparents if she and Sharon could work together on their school project. They did not have a problem with it, and Ntate Phiri offers to take her back home when they are finished. So Sharon gets on a taxi from her house and arrives at Keeya's house. After following the protocol of greeting the elders and having small talk with them, the two girls went straight to her room. There was no school project that needed working on. The agenda was clear and obvious, Keeya needed to tell Sharon everything that happened during her last visit.

"Friend that is amazing! Your name has so much history to it" reacts Sharon after hearing Keeya explain the story behind her real name, Tshegofatso.

"That's the thing Sharon. I'm so confused. And angry. Why did they change my name? How do I change it back? Can I say to people that I want to be called Tshegofatso, not Keeya? And when they ask me why, what will I say? How do I explain to people that I have a father who was in prison, and no one told me about him before" asks a frustrated sounding Keeya.

"Sometimes I want to be in your shoes and then other moments I see why your shoes only fit you. How do you feel about this situation overall? How are things with your grandparents now" asks an inquisitive Sharon.

"I'm mostly confused. Like my feelings depend on who I am thinking of. When I think of Molatlhegi, I find myself wanting to know more. I think the more I know about him, the more I will find myself. Like, already I feel more linked to my mom when I hear him talk about her. I wish I could have known her, but he is the source that will help me know her. And then, when I think of my grandparents, I feel anger. I want to justify their behaviour but I can't. My life has been great, but it could have been better if I knew about my dad. You feel me Sharon?" Sharon nods her head in agreement. She decides to ask one more question to push Keeya over the edge

"I just want to know what you call him"

"I avoid having to use a name to refer to him. I'm not ready to call him dad and I'm not ready" replies Keeya

"But my friend, I feel like you are getting closer to saying it."

"You know me too well"

Meanwhile, at the prison, Molatlhegi is spending is his Sunday afternoon in a group session. Everyone has been sharing about how they feel regarding their cases and giving everyone an update. The whole group wants to know more about Molatlhegi's life.

"I loved the last visit I had with my daughter. She is so much like her mother. It took me back just seeing her there, hearing her voice, reading her handwriting. That is Kaboentle 2.0. It feels too good to be true. Like, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop"

"Why do you feel this way Molatlhegi," asks Thulani.

"I am cursed Thulani. Look where I am. There is nothing good that happens in my life that hasn't been followed by absolute pain. My daughter came at the price of the love of my life. So my daughter is back in my life, which is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. But now I wait to see what bad thing will happen to me. Life is consistent like that."

The other men related to that description of life. Sometimes the other shoe fell naturally, but most of the time, it fell because of their own actions. Either way, the other shoe would always fall. It's consistent like that.