Be Loved

Chapter 21

To my beloved daughter Tshegofatso

Happy 13th birthday. You have reached a special milestone. Thirteen means you are now a teenager. Soon enough you will be an adult and able to make your own choices and choose your own destiny. Being thirteen means you are about to get into temptations like drugs, peer pressure, and relationships. I am not a moral authority on anything because I am here in prison, but here is some advice from your father. Trust your instincts and pray to God for guidance. Your life as a teenager can be the best part of your life or where all the bad things started. But I trust that you have a conscious that will lead you in the right path. I miss you so much. I don't know if I will ever meet you. But until that day, I will pray for you.

Love, your beloved father

Tshegofatso has spent the last couple of evenings in her bedroom working. Her grandparents assumed it was a school project she was working on until Nkgono Tshidi went into her room to tell her that supper was ready and saw what she was working on. Tshegofatso has been working on an artwork of herself as a toddler and her father. Nkgono Tshidi asked Tshegofatso to show the artwork to her grandfather after supper. When supper was over, Tshegofatso brought the artwork into the dining room to show her grandfather

"So what do you think?" Tshegofatso asks her grandfather.

"It is beautiful Keeya. Who is the man in the picture" asks Ntate Phiri, even though he has his suspicions.

"It's my dad" she responds.

"Nana, is that something you remember from your childhood, or something he said he did with you?" Nkgono Tshidi was being careful with what she said and how she said it.

"It's actually just something I am imagining. I was inspired by a picture I saw on Instagram and then I designed this picture of myself and my father" explains Tshegofatso.

"We never asked you about how you feel about us meeting... him" says Ntate Phiri.

"Oh, I am excited that you want to speak with him. I hope you guys can fix things so that we can move on from the past. We must forgive one another now" explains a confident Tshegofatso. In her mind, a world exists where both her grandparents and her father would be able to exist together, side by side.

Tshegofatso takes her artwork back to her room and continues to work on it. Nkgono Tshidi is beginning to have cold feet about the plan she and her husband devised. Ntate Phiri tells her that they will not abandon their plan because of emotions. He reminds Nkgono Tshidi that she was the person who wanted the extreme plan to happen. There was no room for changing of minds.

Two days later, Tshegofatso completes her artwork for her father and takes it with her for her next meeting with him. As the visit starts, Tshegofatso hands her gift over to her father.

"I made you this artwork. I don't know if these things are allowed in your cell. I hope you can hang it up and that it makes your cell that much nicer to live in" explains an excited Tshegofatso. For her, this was a chance to show her father one of her talents.

"This looks beautiful Tshegofatso. You are so creative and this artwork is mind-blowing for me" says Molatlhegi.

"I remembered that you said you didn't know a lot about me. So in this picture, I am showing you a part of me" replies Tshegofatso.

"So what is this picture meant to tell me. I see mountains, I see the ocean. You are on my shoulders in this picture. We never managed to go to the ocean, so this is clearly an idea you came up with" explains Molatlhegi.

"Yes, there are a lot of symbols in this picture. When I was young, I used to feel like I did not belong. Everyone had at least one parent that took care of them. I, on the other hand, was an orphan being raised by grandparents that are conservative and struggle with change. I could feel their love but I could also feel that there was a lack. But I didn't know what that lack was and how to fill it. So whenever I saw pictures of the ocean or of the mountains, I would think about finding myself in the depths of the ocean and mining my value in the mountains. That journey, a year ago, felt like something that I would do alone. But you entered my life and now I get to be on your shoulders and have you by my side. Now I am less obsessed with what the ocean and the mountain can bring into my life" explains Tshegofatso.

"Your mom and I dreamt a lot about your future. We wanted you to grow up knowing your self-worth and owning your space. We wondered whose talents you would take and what new talent would you bring into the family. This artwork speaks volumes about you and your heart" explains Molatlhegi

"Do you think my mom would love this artwork" asks Tshegofatso.

"Yes. She would be telling the whole world about this gift God has given you" says Molatlhegi, reassuring Tshegofatso that her drawing was good.