Be Loved

Chapter 23

To be my beloved daughter Tshegofatso

Happy 14th birthday. According to my calculations, you should be in high school this year. How are you finding it? Do you have friends? Are you copying? Is the school safe from bullying? We don't get to hear all the latest news in prison, but we hear from the prison staff that schools aren't the same anymore. I'm sure your grandparents chose the safest school that they could find. Nothing but the best for you I hope. To give you an update about me and my freedom. It looks like there is no court that can take my case forward. Looks like my past lawyers didn't do a good enough jobs I guess that's a lesson about the decisions we make. Momentary pleasure must not come at the cost of your future successes. If only could turn back the hands of time. Anyway, I continue to pray that I can see you one day. If you are reading this, please ask your grandparents or whoever you live with to allow you to see me. The address is on the back of the envelope. I miss you, my beloved. I can never forget you.

Lots of love

Your beloved dad.

Tshegofatso overheard her grandparents discussing her father after their visit. She can't make out everything that they are saying, but she can hear how upset they sound. It makes her feel anxious about telling them of her decision to testify at her father's parole hearing. She decides to give them a couple of days to cool off. A few days pass and Tshegofatso cannot find the courage to discuss her father to her grandparents. It feels like a dark cloud hangs over the households. Neither party wants to discuss the elephant in the room. The conversations that are had over supper are always about school, work; and what was trending on the radio.

A week passes and Tshegofatso is too scared to check with her grandparents if she can go visit her father. There is no call from Pearl or Leko the Activist to coordinate her next visit. Even her grandparents don't ask her if she is going to visit her father again. Tshegofatso feels in-prisoned by the silence and assumptions about what drives the silence.

At school, Sharon has noticed that Tshegofatso's mind isn't there. The usual sharpness that she displays in answering questions during physics lessons is replaced with self-doubt and daydreaming. However, Sharon is too scared to bring it up, because she also assumes that it's about her father. As the week nears the end, Sharon decides to speak up.

"Tshegofatso, please don't take this the wrong way ne, Mara you are not the same anymore. You feel distant" comments Sharon.

"Is it showing? I thought I had it under control" replies Tshegofatso

"What exactly are you trying to keep under control? And why aren't you sharing this with me" asks Sharon.

"My dad. What else has engrossed my life in the last 9-10 months" replies Tshegofatso.

"Did your dad do or say something bad" asks a concerned Sharon

"No. Not really. My dad's lawyer, Pearl, asked me if I would want to testify on my dad's behalf that he gets parole" explains Tshegofatso

"Oh, as his character witness" asks Sharon.

"Character witness? What's that friend" asks Tshegofatso

"Tjo, aren't you planning to become a lawyer? A character witness is someone who speaks about your personality and who you are. Sort of to convince people that you are good. I saw this on tv" comments Sharon

"Oh. No, I must speak as a victim. His victim" Tshegofatso realizes that she never told her friend about the kidnapping and craziness that her father shared. So she updated her. Sharon's eyes lit up in hearing how everything happened.