Be Loved

Chapter 11

To my beloved daughter Tshegofatso

You are turning three years old. Your first birthday since daddy is in a different place. I know you can't read, but I hope your grandparents will read this for you. Daddy misses you and loves you and hopes one day, when you are old enough, you can visit. Happy birthday.

Love, beloved dad.

Molatlhegi is brought into the visiting room early, for his visit with Keeya. They remind him of the rules, and Thulani emphasises that after this visit, he will no longer sit in on the visits. Keeya arrives and sits across Molatlhegi, holding an exam pad with her questions and a pen to take down notes.

"Hello Tshe... Keeya. I'm glad you came back. I missed you"

"Hi. So a lot has happened since you called me on my birthday. That call changed my world in an instance. I'm caught in the middle of people who want me to believe their truths, despite their truths contradicting each other. So I decided to come back and give you the chance to tell me your truth. I don't know how, but I will fact check the things you tell me. I may be 16, but I'm not a pushover" explains Keeya. She keeps a formal tone, doing her best to be matured beyond her age. Being called naive by her grandparents hit a nerve.

"Thorough. Did you come with questions you need me to answer" asks Molathlegi.

"Yes. You can look at it." Keeya hands the questions to Thulani, who then holds it up for Molatlhegi to read.

"Your handwriting looks so much like your mom's . Even this idea to interview me. I remember how she would grill me with a thousand questions when she wanted to know something." Molatlhegi's comment catches Keeya off-guard. Her grandparents hardly spoke about her mother, and when they did, they wouldn't be commenting about how similar they are.

"Well, if you are used to being asked questions, do you agree with my proposal," asks Keeya, doing her best to hide her nerves.

"I will agree if it means I get to see you often. Those are a lot of questions and these visits are hardly long enough to get through all of them in one sitting."

"Agreed. But remember, the minute I catch you in a lie, I won't come back ever again. I haven't had you in my life for 16 years, I can surely go one without you." Keeya couldn't believe the words she just uttered. She wanted to take the words back, but she wanted to show that she wasn't a pushover, but a mature young adult who should be taken seriously.

"I understand. What would you like to know" asks Molatlhegi

"How did you meet my mother?"

"I met you mom, Kaboentle, at a matric dance afterparty. I was never the partying type, but my friends convinced me to attend the afterparty. I think my awkwardness made me stand out and your mom saw me sitting alone. She approached me and asked if she could keep me company. I laughed at her and said that I saw her friends left with other guys, so she is lonely like me. And there started our friendship, where we would always challenge each other and debate things. We debated that night about the whole concept of partying and getting drunk. We said it was stupid and that we have stupid friends that influenced us to even go there in the first place. But that night, I forgot take her numbers when I left. So for like four months I never saw her again. Until First Year Orientation Week at university. Again, I was sitting alone under a tree, with my skaftin, eating. She forgot my name, so all I heard behind me was "I'm sorry but you look really familiar". I turned around and there was your mom. The lights at the club where we first met did not do her any justice. That day, under the tree, with the sun shining behind your mom, I saw a goddess. She was so beautiful. We ate lunch together. She asked me what I came to the university to study and I told her that I came to study IT. I asked her what she came to study and she said law." Keeya asks Molatlhegi to stop his story.

"Wait, my mom was studying to be a lawyer?" There was a spark in Keeya's eyes as she waited for the response.

"Yes. Your mom was passionate about justice and doing the right thing. Such a sharp mind. Ruthless, cunning, and compassionate. I know that you get to ask me questions, but may I ask, what do you want to study when you finish school?"

"Law. I wanted to study law so that I could...." Keeya is scared to complete her sentence, as she knows it will possibly upset Molatlhegi.

"So that you could?"

"So that I could change the laws that allow fathers to run away and not take care of their children" Keeya hangs her head in shame as she explains the motivation behind her dream to study law.

"That's a brilliant idea. I wish I had someone who did that when I was young. My father didn't want me and left everything for my mother to handle. That's why I have this name. My grandmother believed that my mother was cursed and forced my mom to name me Molatlhegi, which means 'the lost one'. In her mind, maybe my name would reverse the curse on my mother. To this day, I don't understand the logic she used. The name has cursed me, as I have lost a lot."

At this point, the mood in the room was somber. Molatlhegi's explanation of his name didn't just hit a nerve, but it hammered it. It was like his name prophesied his life. Keeya broke the silence by asking

"Who chose my name... and why"

"Your mom was so scared of my reaction to the news that she was pregnant. She knew my baggage of daddy issues and thought that I may never want a child. I remember when she was not sure that she was pregnant, she was so distant with me. I would ask her if she was fine and she would say she was, but her behaviour said otherwise. She took a pregnancy test but only told me the results a week later. I remember how it went down. She told me that she would understand if I wouldn't want the child and if I would want to break up with her. I was so confused. So confused. I asked her what she was on about. Then she told me she was pregnant. I cried. And I cried. My tears scared her and I told her that these were tears of joy. I had a chance to love a child, the way that a child should be loved. I kissed your mom on her forehead. I told her that this child in her stomach was a gift I did not deserve. Right there and then we picked your name. Tshegofatso. There would only be two other times I cried like that. The day your mom said yes to my marriage proposal and the moment we had to decide to save you and not her. My tears of joy have often come as a result of some pain. But you were my hope in everything."

Thulani saw that the experience was becoming overwhelming for both Keeya and Molatlhegi. He suggests that they end the visit and continue next time. Everyone agrees. Keeya promises to come the following week and says her goodbyes.