Be Loved

Chapter 14

Dear whoever reads this instead of showing it to my daughter.

I'm tired of the silence. Could you at least send me a message that you are receiving these letters but refusing to enact them? Even a middle finger, sent via the mail would be better than this eternal silence. I have not seen my child since she turned 2 years old. And now, I write this and she is turning 6 years old. No amount of cruelty would justify this. Please. Please say something. Anything.

Regards.

A pained father.

The last time Tshegofatso visited Molatlhegi was 3 months ago. Through a combination of school commitments, exams, family responsibilities, and Molatlhegi being unavailable, Tshegofatso was desperate to continue to know her father. Her last visit was painful, but it helped her connect with both her parents in a way that nothing else could. She has been calling Leko the Activist and Pearl, in an attempt to arrange a visit, but they continue to tell her that things are busy at the prison. The three months of no prison visits make Ntate Phiri and Nkgono Tshidi very happy. It gives them hope that Tshegofatso will revert back to Keeya. That is why they haven't followed up with the prison about the visits and the parole arrangements.

Meanwhile, at the prison, Molatlhegi has not been attending his group sessions for 3 months. Thulani has been worried about him, suspecting that Molatlhegi had regressed back to the version of him that lost the love of his life. He hardly spoke, was forced to eat and did not fulfil his prison responsibilities with the usual care for detail. Thulani manages to get Molatlhegi to speak to him, while he was on his way to clean the foyer

"Molatlhegi, we miss you at the group sessions. It's never too late to come back" says Thulani, trying to encourage Molatlhegi.

"Thulani, I've thought about this. I don't think I should be returned back to society" replies Molatlhegi

"What do you mean," asks a concerned Thulani

"Look at how fragile I am. After just one visit of explaining something that happened 16 years ago, I fall apart. What kind of a man am I? I made my daughter cry. I took her innocence away by telling her the gruesome details of her mother's death. And as I shared the story with her, I realised that I really am cursed and that I bring the curses into the lives of people. So its better that I give up., serve my complete sentence and disappear from her life. She has done pretty well without me and my curse." Molatlhegi sounds adamant and not willing to negotiate.

"Molatlhegi, I think you are not thinking this through" pleads Thulani.

"Don't psychoanalyse me. I know the tricks. So no." Molatlhegi decides to change the direction that he was walking in, showing Thulani that he did not want to speak to him.

Thulani is left feeling alarmed by the conversation he had with Molatlhegi. He decides to call Pearl to come and speak to Molatlhegi. Pearl is unable to come on that day and instead comes the following morning. When she arrives, she is escorted to Thulani's office, where she found both Thulani and Molatlhegi waiting for her.

"Good morning guys. Sorry for keeping you guys waiting. We had a meeting that took longer than expected. Mo, its been long" comments Pearl.

"I know. I needed space to think about everything" replies Molatlhegi

"That's always a good thing. I'm hoping I am here to be told that Tshegofatso can come visit again. She has been calling non-stop for the last 3 months, wanting to see you again. I think she will speak highly of you when we officially apply for your parole hearing. Just a couple more months and I think she will be ready" says an excited Pearl. Molatlhegi stops her in her tracks and says, "There will be no parole hearings. I no longer want to be paroled. I no longer want to see Tshegofatso. For her own good, I should be kept far away from her."

"Mo..."

"My decision is final Pearl. I'm sorry you had to travel this far to hear this. I'm not going to negotiate. I'm not interested" Molatlhegi tries to stand up and realises that he is still chained to the chair, so he shouts "Maluleke, please, I want to go back to my cell".

Warder Maluleke comes to fetch him and puts him back in his cell. Meanwhile, in Thulani's office, Pearl is worried about what she just witnessed.

"I don't recognise that man Thulani. That's not Mo" explains Pearl.

"The last session hurt him psychologically. It's like it took him back to 16 years ago and he cannot get himself out from it" Thulani could see how shaken Pearl was by her interaction with Molatlhegi.

"Well snap him out of it. Mo needs to get back to normal. We need him out of here" demands Pearl.

"Is this about him or about you and your career Pearl" asks Thulani. He had that therapist look of trying to probe.

"What are you insinuating?"

"When a perp wants to stay in prison, why would you want to force him to want freedom" Thulani knows what he is doing. He wants to elicit a response from Pearl.

"Whose side are you own Thulani?"

"I'm just saying"

"Well, I don't like that one bit. Let's not forget that we are talking about a man who has served 14 years in prison for kidnaping his own flesh and blood. That is already a blot in the justice system. Mo is a good man. He may be tortured by his past, but who can blame him? All I want is for him to get to be the father he never had and the father he dreams to be for Tshegofatso. As a therapist, I would have expected you to see that" explains Pearl.

"Can I be honest with you Pearl" asks Thulani.

"No" replies an annoyed Pearl.

"Well, you can't force me to not speak my mind. I think you should just tell the man how you feel already. Maybe that will be what motivates him" argues Thulani.

"You know what, I'm gonna ignore that. But you are onto something about feelings and emotions. We need to get his daughter here. That should get him to snap out of the past. So you need to get him into the room with her. I will get her to be in the room."

Pearl and Thulani iron out the logistics and finer details to make the plan a possibility. Pearl is left wondering if she indeed has feelings for Molatlhegi or not. Thulani planted a seed that she is struggling to shake off.