Be Loved

Chapter 15

Dear Ntate Phiri and Nkgono Tshidi

I know my last letter sounded angry. That is because I am. But I should not be disrespectful to people who are helping raise my child. I just want to know something. On her birthday, does she know that she shares a birthday with her father? Does she know about me? Does she ask about me? What are you telling her? Is this wise what you are doing, by keeping her away from me? I don't know what I would do if I was in your shoes. But please be a better person than me and tell her about me. You can make me sound like a dangerous better, just let her know I exist. And tell her I say happy 7th birthday to her. I miss her.

Regards, Molatlhegi.

Leko the Activist was tasked with fetching Tshegofatso and bring her to the prison. When she arrives at the prison, she is led to the visiting room and finds Pearl waiting there for her.

"Good morning Aunty Pearl" greets Tshegofatso.

"Oh wow, you are making me feel old. You can call me Pearl" laughs Pearl.

"Do you know where my dad ... em Molatlhegi is' asks Tshegofatso

"I caught that. You called him dad. That's big. You know, in all of this, the both of you are brave" highlights Pearl.

"Why do you say we are brave? How am I brave" asks a curious Tshegofatso.

"We did come into your life and changed it. You are willing to open wounds you didn't know you had so that you can experience a second chance..." Pearl sounds genuine in her admiration of Tshegofatso.

"Second chance... I feel like you get it. I didn't know I would ever get to meet my father. I was angry with the father I thought abandoned me. But when I realise that he was forced to be in prison and he didn't abandon me. And I now have a chance to know him." Tshegofatso's face glows as she speaks about this part of her life.

"There is still a lot that I hope your father will tell you. His story always makes me emotional, even when I heard it in my varsity days" reflects Pearl.

"Varsity days? I don't understand" replies a confused Tshegofatso.

"At law school, one of my lecturers spoke about his case as an example of a failure in our justice system. When you read his case, you couldn't help but feel the injustice of it all" comments Pearl.

"Are you talking about how he ended up in prison? What exactly happened" asks a curious Tshegofatso.

"Yes, that is what I am talking about. But it's your father's story to tell"

"Is that when you met him" asks Tshegofatso

"No, I met him about 5 years ago. As a practicing lawyer, for Mandela Day we visited this prison and listened to people's stories. When I saw his name on the list, I remembered reading about him in university. I begged to be paired with him, so that I could meet him and get to know him on Mandela Day. And I decided after that day to work pro bono on his case. We tried to appeal his case, but his lawyers made many mistakes with his case and its was not possible. But your father was obsessed with getting to meet you. He didn't care about his freedom and the injustice of being in prison. And it took us five years to find you. And here we are" reflects a smiling and proud Pearl.

"How did you find me," asks Tshegofatso.

"You can ask Leko The Activist. She doesn't want to tell us her secret methods. Maybe she will tell you."

Pearl and Tshegofatso continue to talk and get to know each other. Warden Maluleke brings Molatlhegi to the visiting room under the pretense of having to help clean it. When she got him into the room, she closed the door and blocked it from him.

"What's going on here? Maluleke" asks an upset Molatlhegi

"Molatlhegi, I was just following orders. Don't be rude to your visitors" comments Warder Maluleke.

"Pearl, why is she here after I made myself clear," asks Molatlhegi. He is visibly upset and struggling to hide it

"Mo, I made a commitment to you to be by your side through the process. I can't imagine the trauma of your past. But I am scared of you letting go of an opportunity you have prayed for, for over a decade. Your daughter is here now. The choices you make now can become new regrets or the beginning of happy memories. I would rather be a bad lawyer that doesn't listen to you than be a bad friend that doesn't do the loving thing. I apologise for not telling you about the plan but I don't apologise for doing it" replies Pearl. Pearl then leaves the room and tells Warden Maluleke to wait with her outside the room.

"Were you upset with me? Is that why I haven't seen you for 3 months" asks Tshegofatso.

"No. I realised that I still have baggage and I am scared of hurting you. In my brain, I think I am protecting you by creating distance between us. But Pearl is right"

"It's my fault. I pushed you too soon. I'm just not used to adults telling me the truth the first time. Just makes you become forceful. So I'm sorry for taking you to a dark place" says Tshegofatso, with regret in her tone.

"No. Nothing to apologise for. You have always been a hope for me. When I got over myself and my pain, I wanted to live for you. I started to clean up my act after disappearing in the first 3 months of your life. Your grandparents didn't allow me to see you until you were 6 months old. I had to go to social workers in the area to help me get to see you. But they told me that I should get my job back, attend therapy and show that I can be responsible. So I did all of that. My old employer gave me the job had before being promoted. They told me I had to re-earn their trust. I joined the gym, attended grief counselling and when the social workers felt I was ready, they allowed me supervised visits with you. Every Friday, for two hours, I was allowed to visit you. Even if they would only allow me one minute, I would have done it." As Molatlhegi explains himself, Tshegofatso could not help but wonder why her grandparents treated her father this way.

"My grandparents are loved by everyone in the community. They are such good people. But why did they treat you like this. Did something happen to cause it?"

"It's complicated. They believe that I corrupted your mother. They believe she followed their rules, protected her virginity and then I arrived and made her bring shame to their family by causing her to fall pregnant. We were never friendly when the congregants at church saw that your mom was pregnant. Even after you were born, they wanted to keep me away, so that I wouldn't infect you with my sinful ways. But I tried all I could to make them like me. It never worked."

Warder Maluleke enters the room to tell them that the time was up. Molatlhegi apologises to Tshegofatso for taking three months to speak to her and that he would like for them to continue seeing each other on a weekly basis. Tshegofatso tells Molatlhegi that she forgives him and looks forward to seeing him the following week.