The Moon's Criminal

Butterflies

I've always wondered what real love felt like. I've read enough books in my life to have an idea in words of what it's supposed to feel like, but I really don't know if I've ever actually been in love before. The burn in your chest, the "butterflies", looking at them from across the room, not being able to take your eyes off of them for even a second, writing songs about them, thinking about them all the time, wanting the person to be happy even if it's with you or not. That's how love is said to be like. Like there's family love, which I only feel for my mom, my brother, my sister, and the gang. But that romantic love. It's supposed to be different.

With the circumstance I'm in right now, y'know... being a criminal and all, I can't fall in love. I can't let myself get attached.

But no matter how much I try to convince myself that I'm not falling, I know it's already too late to try to catch myself.

Loves supposed to change you, right? Like it's said to make you a better person or some shit. Do you think that'll happen to me? I honestly have no clue at this point. I could be changed from a hardass, bitch faced criminal to a two story suburban house with a white picket fence and raising two children. But I have so many doubts.

Love didn't change my father, so why would it change me?

"Lauren?"

I was snapped out of my daydreams by Normani tapping on my shoulder.

I look at her, noticing a concerned look on her face, "Yeah?"

"It's your turn to drive to the destination. Hayley's tired and she's been driving for hours."

"Yeah it's cool I'll take the shift for now." I replied with a smile.

"Why were you just staring out the window? Are you okay? Whatcha thinking about?" Normani told me.

My smile fell off my face, and I just looked at her for a second. "Um... I was just thinking. About stuff."

She noticed I didn't really want to continue, so she just nodded and walked to the back of the RV.

We've been doing a lot of driving in the past day and a half. We're travelling to a different state for a second. Just to get the police to calm down in the area Camila is at. We move around a lot just to get away from police, so this is no different. Just this time it's not permanent, due to my request.I miss her. Saying goodbye to her was hard because I truly don't know how long I'm going to be gone. Like it could be a week or three months. I don't know.

I've been texting her a lot. The gang, especially Zayn, is always wondering who I'm texting. I never tell them who it actually is though. I can't. Not right now. Especially not when they think I still wanna kill the bitch. I mean I do... maybe? Ugh I don't know I'm so conflicted. I just wish I knew what was going through her mind right now. Maybe it'll help put my mind at ease.

Speaking of the devil, guess who just texted me. Now kids, don't text and drive. But I'm being hypocritical because I do that all the time.

My crazy cop 💗4:58
Hey baby! How's the trip coming?

Oh yeah, I told her that I was going on a road trip across the country with a few of my friends. I know, cliche. But that was the only thing I thought of at the time. I wish I didn't have to lie to her, but it's not like I can tell her that I'm The Grim Reaper and risk being arrested.

Lauren 4:58
It's coming. It feels like we've been driving foreverrrr 🥺 how's your day beautiful?

Hit 'em with the Jauregui charm.

My crazy cop 💗 4:59
It would be better if you were here 🥺

She's always been such a cutie. Like I forget sometimes that she shot me in the leg with no remorse in her eyes. Ha what a catfish.

Lauren 5:00
I know my love I know. I wish I was there to hold you rn. But maybe next time you can come on a trip with my friends and I. We go on these a lot and there's always more room in the van.

My crazy cop 💗 5:01
Omg that sounds awesome! I'll for sure have to see next time if I'm free 😁

Alright I need to focus on the road. While I was texting I almost hit the car in front of me. It was a really expensive looking car with a small ass white dude driving it. He's probably compensating.

I felt someone sit in the passenger's seat, and I turned to find Lucy already looking at me.

When I still felt her eyes on me even after I turned my head back to the road, I asked her "what do you want butthead?"

She takes a deep breath and sighs. "I don't know. I just thought you would be lonely up here. But it seems like whoever you were texting was keeping you pretty distracted." if i didn't know any better, I would say she sounds sad.

"What's wrong Luce? Did someone do something? Did Normani eat all of your wings again? I've already told her not to do that anymore but-"

"Lauren! Stop okay it's nothing, don't worry about it." With that she got up and left. Wow what a bitch. Is she on her period or something? Damn I simply don't understand what I did wrong there, but whatever.

I have a few more hours of driving until sundown, then I'll park in a random parking lot to get some sleep.

--

I finally put the RV in park and stood up. Almost immediately my legs buckled underneath me, but luckily I held onto the back of the chair so I didn't fall right on my ass. If anyone would have seen me fall on my ass, they wouldn't ever let me live it down. I'm glad that no one is around. Actually, it's really quiet. Almost too quiet.

Gaining some feeling back in my legs, I walked to the back just to find everyone asleep already. Damn, it was barely even 10 o'clock and these guys were already out. Oh well.

I walked my ass to the lounge in the back of the RV and sat down, taking my phone out to see I had some unread messages. Most were from, you guessed it, my cuban beauty.

My crazy cop 💗 6:13
Hey princesa I just wanted to check up on you because you haven't texted me in a while.

My crazy cop 💗 8:34
Heyyyyyy guiesa whoooooooo it issasss

My crazy cop 💗 8:35
I''m nglll to yoi rn i'm kinds of high rn

My crazy cop 💗 8:35
Likee i mau have had some mary jaene

My crazy cop 💗 8:36
*Jane

That's the only thing she chooses to correct?

My crazy cop 💗 8:37
I kno; weve only beene dating for like tow months but I think I love you

Woah. She loves me? Holy shit.

I put my phone down, not bothering to answer because I know she's most likely asleep right now. I'll just answer her in the morning.

You know those "butterflies" I was talking about earlier? Well, I felt them. When I read that text, it felt like my stomach exploded with thousands of butterflies and my heart dropped like I was on a rollercoaster.

I guess some romance novels got it right.