Lotus Blood - Age 16
-Sophomore year-
"Hello."
"Can I help you?" The tone of my voice was bitter, an instinctual response I had developed. Some might say it was intentional, but aren't most things?
This was a common occurrence now, you could call it an instinct with newcomers. Drive them away before they reel you in, type of mechanism. It works. Well, when you didn't already know them it works.
I winced when Macy elbowed my side, glaring at her she mouthed a 'be nice' as I rolled my eyes.
"Can I sit here? Christian said he was-" Eva began as she set down her lunch tray and took a seat across from me.
"No."
"Sure!" Macy immediately took on the role of welcoming Eva to the table while I angrily bit into my sandwich as I observed the entire exchange.
I wish Blaine had this lunch period.
"Hey, Eva!" Christian shouted, kissing her softly on the lips. "Macy, Lotus - what's up!" He acknowledged us and however, I rolled my eyes without speaking a word.
We never hung out anymore, Eva was like a fucking spider monkey clinging to its mother and never letting go. Eva also decided that our study sessions and such were "unnecessary" because she could just study with Christian instead.
Studying, definitely studying.
"What about you Lotus? Are you free this weekend?" Christian directly asked me - I tuned back into the conversation to see that Eva was smirking at me with her large green eyes.
"I've got plans with Blaine," I dismissed him and finished up my sandwich, washing it down with some milk. The defeated look on his face didn't guilt-trip me so I solemnly got up and headed somewhere quieter for the remainder of lunch. I secretly wished he would feel guilty for not hanging out with me as much as we used to.
Face it.
You guys are drifting apart.
Shut up.
I hadn't realized how close to the end of lunch it was, so when I'd settled in the library for only five minutes the bell rang. Luckily, my chemistry class was relatively close to the library and it wasn't a hassle to get to class while walking at a snail's pace. Going through a short pros and cons list, I decided that ditching chem today wouldn't be in my best interest or benefit my grades.
"Is there anyone absent today?" My teacher peered up from his clipboard briefly and I closed my eyes as everyone looked around the room to spot any empty seats.
"Lotus." Brandon sneered from the back of the class, glancing at me, and his friends joined in as I glared at him.
"I'm not actually, Brandon is just blind because his ego is so large it's blocking his view," the class went silent and a couple of people snickered while I smirked at Brandon's defeated expression.
The rest of the hour Brandon and his friends continued whispering to each other. Rolling my eyes several times, I endured the rest of class before the eighth-period bell rang.
Wonderful.
My phone pinged with a text from Macy, 'you ditching?' Smiling softly, I texted her back a 'u know it' as I walked towards the most secluded exit and met my lavender-haired friend near the benches around the back of the school.
"Ditching Spanish again are you?" I shouldered Macy and she giggled, rolling her eyes as we started to walk in the direction of our houses.
"You know I'm only taking that class for the credit."
"Yeah, yeah," I looked both ways and we crossed the small residential street, "better watch your step around me or I might tell the school that you know fluent Spanish - maybe then they'll make you learn French!" I joked and Macy faked a faint as we both laughed hysterically.
Walking for another block, Macy and I parted ways so we could each reach our respective houses, "See you tomorrow, Lotus!"
"Bye Macy," I grinned, turning on my heel and going the opposite direction.
Bliss.
Unlocking the front door, I stepped inside the eerily quiet house and grabbed a small granola bar from the fridge before heading up to my room and cracking open the window. I knew that Blaine would be the good student he was and not ditch eighth, so I took advantage of the hour I had and started on my homework.
"Hey," Blaine called to me from his window after an hour passed, "studying diligently?" A crooked smile showed off his dimples and he climbed through my window, tumbling into my room.
"Hardly," I mumbled, laying back on the floor and staring up at his coffee-bean eyes. Pecking me on the lips upside down - Blaine dragged my torso into his lap and he toyed with the ends of my hair.
He's not okay.
Blaine had a small frown on his face and I could tell he was forcing a smile for me. Sitting up and moving next to him, I leaned on his shoulder while he threaded our hands together and examined our intertwined fingers.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit."
Blaine's eyes moved up from the floor and snapped to mine, "I - April, I just miss April." Overwhelming guilt crashed down like a wave atop me and I squeezed his hand while we sat in silence. The only sounds were of our slow breathing and the wind swishing in and around my open window.
"I'm sorry." I finally said after a long time, letting out a breath and wishing that she was still alive.
"It's not your fault."
But it is.
It is my fault
You don't understand.
I killed her.
It's my fault.
"... I just hope she isn't in human trafficking or or something," he said - his voice airy and light, almost like he was holding in tears.
I'm sorry Blaine.
It's my fault.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" I changed the subject to avoid hyperventilating and he smiled, nodding and turning his head to kiss me again. I leaned into him and tugged his hair before pulling away and resting my forehead against his - his eyes are so pretty.
"I like you a lot."
"I like you more." I countered pushing him on the floor and sitting on top of his legs.
Blaine grinned from the floor, "Impossible."
"Shut up," I giggled, and for a moment things didn't seem too bad until the crashing realization hit me. At some point, I would have to tell Blaine what happened on February 16th, 2013.
But that day was not today.
Today it remained a secret. Today he thought she'd been kidnapped. In reality, I had killed her.
I killed her.
It was my fault.
I'm so sorry.
YOU ARE READING
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