Lotus Blood - Age 17
But moments only last so long.
"Have you been cutting still?" Lily was careful not to let any pity poison her words and instead asked with genuine concern and hope that I wasn't still marring my wrists.
"It- it's been a month and a half since I last..." Not lying to Lily was the only thing that kept me from doing the things I knew would etch worry lines in her forehead when she eventually found out. Lily became like a mother to me after around three years of therapy, and I didn't intend to let her go - which meant telling the whole truth.
Except for the horrid things you've done to people.
You can never tell her about those things.
"I'm proud of you Lotus!" Lily's smile was contagious and I let a smaller one creep onto my features. "I'm glad," she reached forward and patted my knee before writing down some notes with her favorite fluffy pink pen.
I didn't quite understand why she was so ecstatic that I hadn't cut myself for nearly a month and a half, her reaction could be applied to a much more significant accomplishment. Something like quitting smoking after thirty years or finally getting a degree of some sort - not something so unimportant like not cutting for a month or two.
"Thank you."
"No problem," her eyes drifted down to her clipboard and she lit up with a new question to ask me, "I think that's enough of the hard questions for today, don't you think?" Today's session began with very sensitive and personal questions that I was surprised I obliged to answer. On any other day before that, I would've kept my head down or lied about every single thing that Lily had asked me this morning.
Maybe I'm getting better.
Maybe this is working.
"And Blaine? How's he doing?" Lily absentmindedly asked while jotting down more things and shifting in her seat.
"He's doing better," I mumbled, "he still wishes for a strong relationship with his Dad but I think he's doing a lot better than before." It was true. Blaine was doing much better without the constant yelling and screaming in his house. He made a habit out of sleeping in his own bed to be there for his mother when she cried every so often, and they invited me over for dinner every Wednesday.
"Aw, good for him, tell him I said hi, will you? " Lily grinned and glanced at the clock after I said I would relay the message to Blaine, my mood dampening slightly when I realized that it was drizzling outside.
Stupid weather.
Unfortunately, I had walked to the therapy office today and it was stupid of me to do so in the first place because the forecast had shown rain from yesterday itself. Lily resumed the conversation and I tore my eyes away from the large windows to my right, to engage in her questions for the next fifteen minutes.
Outside, the rain beat down on the pavement much harder than before and I wondered if I should call Blaine to pick me up. It never got too unbearably cold in September, the harsh chill of the air usually came up in late October and early November - in December we got a decent amount of snow, things generally mellowing out in mid-march.
I hate the cold.
"Alright Lotus, that's all we have time for today," Lily smiled warmly and handed me a bubblegum lollipop - a tradition she had picked up once she bought a giant bag of them for herself. It was endearing that she would hand me one after every session like it was a doctor's appointment and I was five years old after getting a blood test done.
YOU ARE READING
Finger Painting
Mystery / Thriller"I WORE THE SMELL OF BLOOD AND DEATH LIKE PERFUME" I may have been angry at my mother and brother - but I was angrier at myself. Angry for the person I knew I was becoming. Drip. "One thousand nine hundred eighty-four." I felt it and I knew I couldn...
