Et tú, Clarissa?

Chapter twenty-two

Present Day (New Jersey, USA)

The big ballroom painted in gold and white with big mirrors and chandeliers seem familiar, but I cannot place it. My gaze goes through the room as I fingering at the stone in my necklace, but stops at the big black wing. It is like it draw me to it and as I stand in front of it, I place an easy hand on the shiny wood, but I freeze up as I see something move in the shadows. Tones dance away from the instrument under my fingertips, even if no one sit at the ivory keys. A distant laugh and shadows appear, playing the wing, but I see right through them. One shadow is of a lassie with white hair and a lad with curly hair like a halo around his head. They look so happy, laughing, having no idea what is about to happen. Suddenly that something in the shadows moves again and I follow it. It gets dark and I hear my 'hello' echo away from me while my words are replaced by a male voice begging me not to leave him. As I continue into the shadows, I come out in a cold dark forest. Some feet from me, I see a man standing with his back against me. His triangle shaped back is barely hidden by the layers of clothes and as he looks back at me for just a moment, I see that the resembles to the shadow lad who sat next to the white-haired lassie is uncanny, except that his short hair hides the natural curls of his brown hair which is only showed on the top of his head. He turns away from me again and I feel the sudden need to run to him. Wrap my arms around him and hide in his embrace, but as I close in, he starts to disappear. Like dust carried away with the wind and as I reach his hand, it is the only thing that is left, until it disappears too. I feel how I scream his name, but I cannot make out what I am saying.

"Clarissa! Clarissa, wake up!" I hear someone say and as I open my eyes everything goes so fast.

I grab his throat and roll around to get him under me, but then I see who it is. Josef. As soon as I understand what I have done, I get off him fast.

"I am terribly sorry." I tell him and he jumps up from the floor before brush off some dust from his clothes.

"You're scaring the shit out of us!" he says and look at me. "This is the seventh night in a row this has happened. What's going on? You scream in your sleep like someone was going to kill you."

He takes a pause as I pull my hands over my face and through my hair while try to process everything, but he soon continues.

"Who's Zac?" he asks, but I does not know what to answer so it takes some time before I do.

"It does not matter."

"You said his name together with Nicholas so I think it does."

I turn instantly towards him.

"Do you know who Nicholas is?"

Just as he is about to answer with a quite quizzically gaze, the old lady, Mrs. Hubbard, comes through the door.

"Oh good, you're awake." I see in her eyes that she is worried and scared for me, but she does not want to show it. "Come down and eat. I have made you two breakfast."

I know that I should be hungry and it looks pretty good, but I cannot do anything other than poke my food with my fork. It feels impossible to get my mind of the reoccurring dream. The more I think about it, the more I see that the lad in the forest was Zac, but the face of the shadow lad and the one begging me not to leave him is a blur. I cannot make it out. Something tells me it was scary similar to Zac's face, but it is like my brain by some reason does not want to remember him. I have regained my memory about many things, but all I have of him is his name. Nicholas.

I notice that Josef looks at me and I force a smile before I try to get the food down my throat, but I have to force that too.

How am I going to get through this?