THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY BOOK TWO (I'll Never Love Again) (girlxgirl)

CH.TWENTY-SIX

When you care for someone more than they deserve, you get hurt more than you deserve.

_Unknown

JAYCEY'S POV

Toxic.

Regardless of how toxic Belle was I still considered loving her, I still had my fingers crossed that she would come after me; that she would beg me, and even if it meant she'd be lying, I wished she would tell me I was the only one she truly loved. I was hurt, I was torn apart, I was completely fucked and as much as I wasn't fond of it, I wanted to forgive her.

Toxic.

I knew she had a hold on me and I didn't know if I could ever allow myself to free away from her toxicity. As much as I knew I didn't deserve to be treated the way Isabelle treated me, a part of me believed that she loved me and that I should give her another chance.

Stupid? Yeah, I know...

I wiped away the last of my tears and calmly breathed in. I had been crying for hours, I couldn't erase the fact that Belle could never change. That she'd lied in my face, that I had gone through all the shit I went through with Eric just to get thrown under the bus by the one person who'd promised to be with me. That I had fell in the same trap several times and still couldn't learn my lesson.

I felt like my life was re-playing the same part over and over again and it so damn hurt. Why was it so hard for her to stay loyal to me if she truly did love me? If I was everything she needed then what is it that Leslie and Azola had that I didn't? I wished things would be different, I wished that she'd meant everything that she'd promised me. She allowed me to fall deeper for her when she knew she was fucking other people behind my back and that is just messed up. Our love is just messed up.

Loving Isabelle hurt, loving Isabelle was torturous, loving Isabelle was inescapable; loving Isabelle meant that I was abandoning myself, starving myself of the love that I also deserved. But loving Isabelle meant great sex too, loving Isabelle gave me butterflies and goosebumps, it made my heart warm and excited; it made me picture forever with her. What I'm saying is, as much as she'd hurt me, I couldn't run away from the fact that she'd also loved me once; that as much as she'd gave me hurtful moments, there were also heartful ones. I didn't know where to stand, whether to leave or to stay.

"Can you teach yourself to let go of her?"

A question I had no answer to. How do you teach yourself to suddenly stop loving someone? Isn't if you truly love someone then that love will forever stay, but does that mean that you have to put your heart at stake? I put mine at stake, every single time when it came to Belle I sacrificed a part of my heart and I don't even know if it was worth it. I'm not sure anymore.

"I feel so much attached to her Maggie," I sighed, thinking back to everything me and Belle have went through, "She has a mark in my life and I, I really love her; I don't know how to let go of her or if I even want to."

Maggie gave me a sympathetic look, I didn't want her to feel sad for me. It made my heart break even more. Having to watch her love with Stella blossom everyday made me wonder how things would've turned out if I'd given her a chance four years back, but too bad that was a closed chapter now.

"I still cannot believe that she was sleeping with the three of you. She doesn't change, cheating is in her blood," she said, staring into space for a couple of seconds before letting her eyes fall on me, "Jaycey are you sure you don't want to let go of someone like that?"

"She just needs to grow up, that's all."

Listen to me trying to make sense of her unfaithfulness.

Maggie scoffed, "She's in her thirties!"

"She's twenty-eight," I rolled my eyes, it didn't matter what her age was anyways, "I think she's afraid of commitment."

"Her fears are causing heartbreaks, and there don't justify anything. Eric and her are twins separated at birth I tell you."

"Eric is worse Maggie."

"So you're not going back to him?," she gave me a questioning look and I slowly nodded in response, "He's a psychopath, I'll be surprised if he doesn't hunt you down and drag your ass back into that prison of a marriage."

"It won't work this time, I'm done with him."

"I wish you had the same confidence in letting go when it came to Belle too."

"Maggie," I shut my eyes, damn it, I was mentally exhausted, "I will eventually get over Isabelle, it'll take time but I will."

"I bet on my life that you won't," she snickered.

I bet on mine too.

I wanted to say but kept it to myself. I had taken a step to release myself from Eric, I'm sure with time I could do the same with Belle too. It would require a lot more effort but I would. I needed a fresh new start, a life where Isabelle wasn't around. I was going to get it, I was going to leave the city and be away for a long time. It was going to help me, hopefully.

"Don't bet on your life you idiot, I still need you. You know how much I love you," I chuckled, staring into Maggie's eyes and watching them light up with happiness at the mention of how I need her. She looked so darn cute.

She awarded me with a genuine smile, "Okay, I'm doing this only because I love you too," she played around with her chin as if in deep thought, then gave me a toothy grin, "How much exactly do you need me?"

"Trust me you don't wanna know Maggie."

"I do, please tell me."

"Puppy eyes won't help," I laughed at her facial expression.

"Just tell me."

"Fine," my eyes met and held hers in a sudden intense gaze. The atmosphere somehow suddenly changed, I didn't know what to say or how to say anything, "I don't know how to tell you how much I need you."

Her voice came out raspy and I swear I think her face was coming closer to mine, "How about you just show me then."

Imagine me and Maggie...

Okay maybe I was just delusional, I couldn't let it happen. Could I?