3 Way | Michael B. Jordan |

It's So hard to say goodbye ...

Michael

It was Sunday morning. 

I stood in front of my bedroom mirror and looked over myself. Softly tugging at the collar of my suit. White just as Tessa's mom had asked. I looked over my patchy beard and the small coils my hair had began to form. 

I needed a fresh cut but to be honest with everything going on I hadn't managed to get one. Between helping plan Tessa's funeral and adopting DJ there had been very little room for anything else. 

For the last couple of days I felt like I had been moving in slow motion if at all. The closer it got to Tessa's funeral the slower I moved. 

The morning her body was found had completely shook me. I felt pain I didn't even know I could but it quickly subsided. Not because I wasn't mourning but because it still didn't seem real for me. 

I had long given up watching television or surfing the web for that matter. Because her face and the story was plastered all over it. My temporary escape from reality was spending as much time with DJ as I could aside from the time I had with Tessa's mother. 

I still couldn't believe she wanted my help planning Tessa's homegoing. I did whatever she asked of me even though I didn't quite feel it was my place to. But as she put it Tessa wouldn't have had it any other way. 

Tessa and I were close. Closer than close at one point but I'll admit I hadn't realized how close until now. Now that she was gone. 

The fact that her mother even welcomed me with open arms to plan her funeral was baffling. I never realized she spoke so highly of me to her mother ... or at all really. 

Even though Tessa and I weren't on the best terms before she passed none of that seemed to matter at this moment.

I had made up my mind to only deal with her at an arms reach. But removing someone from your life isn't as hard a pill to swallow as losing someone in your life to an untimely death. 

The thought of her and I going our separate ways was one thing. But knowing her path was snatched from beneath so harshly and suddenly was weighing heavily on my spirit.

I cowed my head for a moment of prayer. Asking the almighty to provide me with the courage and strength I would need to get through today before I felt a soft tug at my pants leg. "Daddy." DJ said. "I'm ready to see Auntie Tessa." He said with a small smile on his face. 

I closed my eyes and whispered amen before bending over and taking him into my arms. Taking a moment to glance over his tiny suit which mimicked mine. "Remember what I told you yesterday little man?" I quizzed hoping I had done my best to explain such a delicate situation to a child. "We are going to see auntie Tessa but she'll be asleep. And I know you'll want to wake her but she can't wake up. Okay." I said causing a look of confusion to splash over DJ's little face. 

"Not even for me?" He quizzed causing my breathe to get hitched in the back of my throat. 

I softly shook my head no. "Not even for you sport." I said before biting my lips. 

"Awe man." He said truly disappointed. But still clueless as to what was actually happening around him. "Daddy are you crying?" He asked placing his small palm against my cheek. I nodded my head yes upon realizing that against me best attempt a few tears had managed to escape. "Are you sad?" DJ asked wiping away at my left eye. 

"A little." I admitted not wanting to lie to him again. I figured it was best to tell him the truth about the things he could understand. 

"Daddy don't be sad." He said simply. And I wished it was that simple to fix. "Auntie Tessa taught me a trick!" He said sounding every bit of excited which excited me. "She told me when ever I get sad to think about all the things I love. Like all the toys I have, all my games, Mommy ... you." He said looking deeply into my eyes.