Sounds like an angst chap. Right?
Well. No.
So just,go do something else. Afterall,it's about me.
And who cares about me? No one.
Note:I am not making this a reason so people pity me. Or feel bad. These are just my thoughts.
(Ok maybe m&m and Jella care)
Every time I post something, I'm scared people will hate it. Like right now.
I'm scared that it won't be liked. And I always don't know how I feel when someone actually votes.
It's like,I feel like...
I'm not great enough for you.
Every time some votes and or comments,it makes me happy for a little while. It's nice to see/read that you enjoy reading my books.
But,I still don't feel good showing people the things I make. No matter how long I've been here. And I've carried this anxiety since I was small.
I was always an outsider. The quiet one. I didn't like joining on games and on extra curricular activities. I always wanted to be alone
And I wanted to change that. That's why I joined wattpad. To atleast try something new and make it a hobby.
Even at that,I still don't feel like I belong.
And I don't think I will be for a long time.
I seem like a funny(atleast that's what Jella says) and entertaining (exaggeration) person. But really,I'm pretty much like Ali. And shy like Iman.
I didn't want to fully do this but *sigh* I did. And, I'll keep it here for a while until I forget about it.
I push all the bad experiences to the back of my head. But that happens tol often. Causing me to easily forget such.
But when it's entertaining,it stays. And occasionally,little chunks of it come back at random times. Like the song "sisi ni sawa" from lion guard. Yes,its for children.
BUT THE FINAL SEASON ISN'T!(atleast not entirely)
I still have a lot to say,but I forgot about them.
Maybe another time.
Insecurity is my worst enemy. No matter what,it comes. At the end of the day,I regret everything I do. Unless I talk to you (Jella).
Sh8t I don't like about myself
- annoying
- bad at writing
- bad at drawing
- comparing myself with others who are better
- bad at making decisions
- regrets everything
- really dosent want to be on wattpad
- quits five seconds later
- bad at listening
- crying myself to sleep
- lazy
- phone overuse
- feels ugly
- feels unwanted
- wants to feel physical pain
- does not deserve attention nor credit
- locking myself in my room crying
- bad at school
- bad at making friends
- liar
- pathetic
- getting pushed around by fake friends
- trust issues
- scared to be hated
- scared to be left again
- internal breakdowns
- not feeling good about myself
- feeling like an attention seeker
- someone who shouldn't get to talk to people
- someone who dosent deserve friends
Dear M&M and Jella,
Thank you for being here for me . And, I'm really happy I met you guys. It's nice to talk to someone who actually cares.
Despite our distance,we still find ways to spend time together
And thanks for still being my friends whenever I open up.(last time I did that,I got humiliated for a whole school year)
I used to cry myself to sleep,but talking to one,or both of you stop that bad habit. And let me sleep happily knowing that you guys are here supporting each other.
And I hope our friendship stays. Because you two are the only people I consider real friends and makes me feel wanted.
I'm grateful to have you two with me despite my weirdness.
Love, Birdie
Ok, see you tommorow!
