Let Me Go

Chapter One

Kota's POV

Three days later...

My anxiety was at an all-time high.

She never missed one of our check-ins. I know that's not how she saw them. They were her escapes. Escapes from what, I wasn't sure, but I knew the signs. Knew the danger I placed her in every time I allowed her to return to the place she called a home. Yet, she never missed the times we set to meet up. At least without letting me know in some way beforehand. I didn't know what to do. I had no way of getting a hold of her, short of storming her house and barging into her room or wherever she might me. Unfortunately, that was a bad idea.

We had a family meeting scheduled in a few minutes, just waiting on Doc to arrive. He'd been busy at the hospital, barely able to communicate with us. Something about a bird on the verge of dying. I think Mr. B had said something about the bird flatlining a few times and the struggle to fix her wounds while resuscitating her as well. I wasn't sure on the specifics, if they even gave them, because my mind was preoccupied by Sang and her whereabouts.

Doubts and fears tried to slither their way in. I couldn't allow myself to think of the what-ifs. It would cause me to spiral. More than I already was. The others tried to get me to join in on conversation, but I couldn't. My mind, and lips, were too busy forming the numbers of how many seconds I'd been without her calming presence. The last time I'd heard her soft voice whispering my name in that way that caused my blood to travel south.

The way Sang made me feel was like something I'd never felt before and one of the reasons I hadn't told my brothers about her. I wanted her just for myself. A selfishness I very rarely showed. However, now I was thinking it might have been a bad idea to keep her away from them. Maybe if one of them had been present three days ago, she would have had someone to help her. I could have their help now in trying to get her out, or at the least know that she was okay.

The longer I went without hearing her voice, the higher my anxiety climbed. Soon I was pacing behind the couches in Nathan's house, desperate to relieve the nerves shaking my core.

A sound caught my attention and I watched as Doc stumbles his way in, looking haggard and sleep-deprived. I felt sympathy for him, but he knew what he signed up for. Though I'm sure it was hard dealing with losing a patient, whether they were able to bring them back or not. I made my way back to sit on the couch and get the meeting under way.

We go through the usual things. Assignments. Family situations. Anything we might need to discuss as a family. As we are getting ready to wrap up, Mr. B asks Doc if he needs a ride home.

"No, I'm heading back to the office. I don't like leaving the bird alone for long."

That catches many of our attention. Why is he taking such a personal interest in this bird? Seems like I'm not the only one to think as much when Gabe speaks the same question in his own fashion. We really need to try and curb some of his language, but that is an issue for another time.

"Oy. Why the fuck are you so interested in her? Is it because of almost losing her? Or something else?"

Doc closes his eyes and rests his head on the back of the couch, taking a deep breath as if to prepare himself for recounting whatever happened.

"Uncle called me about a bird injured in the woods near the diner." North sits up at that piece of information we hadn't received before and my body freezes at the implications. I can't let my emotions show though. Can't let myself travel down that road of possibility just yet. "He didn't give me much to go on, just that I needed to get there quickly. I wasn't prepared at all when I finally arrived. Uncle was near tears while softly running his fingers through this bird's hair, blood splayed out around them like one of those scenes in Nathan's zombie movies. I thought I was too late. That she had passed already and Uncle just didn't know what to do. How to handle something like this. But he let me know she was still with us, but not for long. We had to hurry."

He pauses to take another breath, steading himself, while my own breath is escaping in pants. My heart is galloping away. Because I just know...somewhere deep inside...who he is talking about. I have to know. I have to know exactly what happened before I react. Before I give in to the all-consuming heartbreak and pain trying to overwhelm me.

"Why hasn't Uncle said anything?" Luke asks quietly.

Doc looks at him curiously. "He hasn't left the hospital."

The answer shocks Luke and North. "What?" North nearly bellows. "He told me he's just been busy at the diner. When I tried to come in, he told me not to worry about it. He had it covered. If I wasn't busy with assignments and this stupid Ashley Waters mission, I would have been up there. Why didn't he tell us?"

With a sad expression, Doc answers him the only way he knows how.

"If I had to guess, it's because he didn't want you to see him like he is. This took a lot out of him, North. Hell, it took a lot out of all of us working on her. We've never seen a patient with as much damage as this young bird. Not to this extent and I've seen some extreme cases. She died on us twice alone in the car to the hospital and another three times in the operating room. She hasn't woken up, North. And I don't think she will."

The last words are spoken in a whisper, but we all hear them. And I break. Everything in me explodes in agony. I failed her. I failed my perfect little Sang. The others are oblivious to my breakdown while inside I'm screaming. I need to see her. I need to be with her.

Doc continues to speak to the others. Answering the questions. Asking what they can do, whether it's to reassure Uncle, Doc, or even the little bird. Anything, but I can't. I can't speak. Not until I'm in her presence.

My brothers don't notice me right away as I make my way out of the living room, grabbing the keys out of my pocket, and heading toward the front door. I'm not sure who finally realized I wasn't in the room, but I heard North bellow for me to stop. To answer them. But I couldn't stop. She was in the hospital. I'd heard enough to know that I had lost her. Lost her because of my selfishness. My own stupid desire to keep one thing to myself. Even when I knew she needed them. Needed the Academy. She had it now though. Now that it was too late.

If only I had spoken up when I met her all those months ago. If only I could go back in time and change the decisions I had made. Maybe then she would still be here. Maybe then she wouldn't be stuck in a hospital bed. She could have the support of those obviously hurting for her, even when they knew nothing about her.

Tears clouded my vision, but I couldn't let them fall. Not yet. I needed to be close to her one last time before the world could fall apart around me. One last moment for us to be together.

***

(1328 word count)

Honest, I don't do these things on purpose. The characters are just being really sappy right now and breaking all of our hearts. It will get better. At least, it better.