Paved the Way

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Anahi Brewster

Sitting in front of the tombstone, my fingers trailed against his engraved name Sincere Akeem Brewster June 10th 2021 - June 10th 2021. I smiled faintly, he was supposed to be born in August but due to the circumstances I underwent, that was his birth and death date. Sincere would've been 15 years old, but I know he's in a better place, watching over us.

"Mommy will always love you...even if this wasn't our time, we'll meet again in a different lifetime." I sighed, holding back my tears. I think about my other babies too, not knowing what they were since it was early stage miscarriages for both. "Tell your brothers or sisters I said hi, and that I'm sorry that they didn't get to see their lives either." I sniffled, wiping at the brim of my eyes.

The other two would've been in their twenties by now. It's just crazy how life works, and I never question God because I know he puts us in certain situations to grow from. And it's our decision on how to go from there. I had my moments of sulking, but I snapped out of it; just know they always cross my mind but in a healthy manner. No one really gets over the loss of a child, or children in my case.

"Sleep in heavenly peace." I mumbled, kissing my fingertips that didn't touch the tomb and placed them onto his name.

Reaching the truck, I got into the drivers side and just sat for a few more seconds to gain my composure before pulling off. Oodie has a game today, it being Saturday so I couldn't show up with puffy eyes. Looking to the time on the dash, it read 10:21 AM, his game didn't start until another two hours. I had time to freshen up at the house before we all left for his game.

Uh, have you ever loved someone, then lost that one?
Have you ever missed someone that ain't coming back? Uh
You can't even tell that one 'cause they're not here to hear it
Do you hear me?
Nothing in life's guaranteed, you'll see
I'm not being difficult, I just see things differently
You don't see the urgency, that really worries me
The problem is that we think, naturally, we have time but you'll find
Anything can happen, don't take it for granted
You know

I've been missing you for ten thousand hours (ten thousand hours)
I cannot let go, ten thousand memories (ten thousand memories)
I've been missing you for ten thousand hours (ten thousand hours)
Uh, I cannot let go (no), ten thousand memories (ten thousand memories)

I sang along, blinking away my tears as I thought of my parents and the children I lost. I kept the memories with my parents close to my heart, the bright memories before my dad fell into his addiction. Even during those times, he was still trying, but if you know someone and they're addicted to drugs and that feeling, it overcomes them. As for my lost babies, they all had a piece of me that I can't get back, but it had made me stronger and become the best mother I could be to my other babies.

"Ooooh! I need to get it together." I mumbled to myself, stopping at a red light. I loved me some Jhené, but I didn't need to be in my feelings. Before I could change the playlist, I saw KJ's name pop up on the screen, causing me to smile and answer. "Yes KJ?"

"Mama, can you pick up sumn to eat? We hungry."

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. We had food at the house.

"There's food in the pantry and fridge." I stated, he groaned which made me chuckle. "We can get something to eat after Oodie's game. It won't be long."