My Beautiful One (Jonathan Morgenstern Fanfic)

My Myriad Sins

"We may not cling on to our past but others will, like creepers that remind you; therefore the past will always stay like demons in the mind,"

-(gee, I wonder who write this quote. I wonder who...)

(Italic fonted passages are Jon's memories and occasionally thoughts)

(Also, if you know what's good for you, SKIP THIS CHAPTER)

_________________

LATE SEPTEMBER 2008

I am a monster.

A condemned creature, damned like the man thrust into Inferno.

I am a monster, unworthy of every breath I take, of every second I remain untouched by the flames of Hell.

I am a monster.

When you were a ghost, time blended into one long sinuous vast stretch; with no limitations and endless possibilities. Day and night and day merged into a indecipherable existence that payed no attention to you, a half-existent being that did not affect its working physically. Day and night progressed, lives were created and lost, leaves falling off branches when it's little state attached to a branch which was attached to a tree, the whole picture, ended.

The world fell into darkness and rose from the dead every day and night with the miracle of a morning glory flower while you stood still and unaffected in the middle of it all. Like water flowing around a rock.

Man paid no true attention to time and time pays no true attention to any being walking and living it's unstoppable, never-ending progression.

And for Jonathan, he felt as if time was going to further lengths to ignore him, more than any other being in the world.

Days and nights no longer were marked and counted by him--he was cocooned in a suffocating bubble of memories and guilt inflicted insufferable scars on him.

Time past and he watched Clary and the other residents of the New York Institute with a detached interest--he was too plunged in his own agony to pay much notice.

They were gathered in the library, the recently Ascended Simon sitting on a high backed wooden chair across Isabelle, Clary perched on Jace's lap and Alec lounging on the couch beside Simon's chair. Jonathan was perched on the marble slab that sat atop the backs of two angels. The agony and torture on their faces mirrored his own inner tumult and after a while, he looked away and towards whatever spacious object before him.

For the moment, everything was silent and still-breathing as if in purgatory. He knew life moved around him, emitting sounds and movements but everything seemed to come to a complete universal stand still for him. Little dust particles hung undisturbed in the air, unmoving and visible from the sunlight.

After what felt like eons later, the dust particles seemed to resume their fluttering journey through the air and sound invaded his rather silently disturbed mind like volume being turned up on a radio.

"Do you remember anything about a Lord Montgomery?" Isabelle said now, making Jonathan look at her disinterestedly. She was looking at Simon meaningfully in the eye.

Simon blushed at the mention of Lord Montgomery and Isabelle grinned in satisfaction, leaning against the back of her seat and folding her arms and crossing her legs at the same time. Alec slid his eyes over the two of them multiple times dangerously, his eyes narrowed.

"Why do I get the feeling I don't want to know anything about Lord Montgomery?" Alec murmured. Isabelle grinned.

"Its a straight people thing, Alec. You wouldn't understand even if I told you." Isabelle said, smiling sweetly.