Who Says Heaven & Hell Are So Different

12

Song - The Lonely - Christina Perri

Can one person remember a time when they were truly happy?

Because if you can, well, screw you.

Renjun has never known true happiness. He prides himself on being the most miserable person that he knows. He's never been invited to birthday parties, never been out with friends just for the sake of it, he never got anything he wanted and the last time he had a boyfriend it ended terribly.

He wasn't greedy or anything but he wishes sometimes he could be.

Renjun thought his luck was shot and almost didn't apply for college because of that. But against his own judgement he applied anyway, and by some miracle, he got into his chosen college.

Perhaps this year he would be able to experience normal things like a regular person. Unfortunately, because of not being around people very much due to his incompetence to make friends, he was extremely awkward and had major social anxiety that had developed over the years. He thought that he would screw up talking to someone, so he never approached them. But if he were to be approached, he'd either say something really rude without realising or completely shut down and run away.

He was so sick of his reactions, but he could never get over them. Renjun was severely introverted pretty much his entire life. There was no way he'd be able to make friends anywhere, he'd be a loner for the rest of his life; never have any friends or other relationships because of this.

Except when he was singing.

When he sang, everything melted away. Nothing in the world ever mattered when he was singing. It was just him and the music. Headphones on, volume up, no one around. That was when he was his best self.

Of course, no one ever heard him though. Just how he liked it.

As he sings alone in his room he comes up with situations that may happen if he were to talk to people out in the open. Usually this is what people do in the shower but for him, that was a step too far, because why would he want to talk to people whilst in the shower. He would never be in the situation so why think about it.

As he dances round the room at 2 am, he thinks about what will happen at college. Who he could become friends with, who he could have a crush on, who he could have a relationship with. Not that he thought that he would actually be in those situations, but because he likes to think maybe, just maybe, he could have a friend.

"Dancing slowly in an empty room, can the lonely take the place of you. I sing myself a quiet lullaby, let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again." The boy sang with his entire body, those specific words resonating with the dark haired boy more than they should.

The music eventually faded out into a different song and Renjun calmed himself down and sat in front of his desk and looked over his timetable for the year. Photography and Performing Arts were his chosen courses for the year as a full time program. Not only was he going to be able to sing for work as well as just enjoyment, he was going to be able to meet other people that liked it too. This was his best shot of making friends, if he didn't make friends this year, he'd call himself a lost cause and shut himself away to avoid the embarrassment of having no friends at the age of 20.

He got up from his desk and stipped off his clothes, then changed into his comfy pajamas,brushed his teeth and sank into his bed. He put quiet music on in the background and gently drifted off into a heavy slumber, ready for college to start the next day.

Maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to make a friend. Maybe he'd be able to make a few friends. Maybe he'd finally break out of his shell and perform in front of people for real rather just in his imagination.