Till The Count Of Five ✓

Chapter 41

Chapter 41

For once, let it be just the two of us because I'm tired of pretending and feeling okay. For once, I want to lose myself without worrying. And only you can do it, just like you can be the only one not to disappoint me.

Nolan

13th May 2019, Monday
18:00

A ball hit my feet. I didn't bother to get it, not until a shadow fell over my own. A little girl with round glasses and short pigtails stared at me. I bent to pick up the ball, avoiding to look at her. She reminded me of Kiara, especially the slightly narrowed eyelids and the assessing look. The same assessing look she had held in the morning, refusing to give the note to Vicky, let alone to police. The ball was snatched out of my hand and they were left hanging in the air, just like they had been when she had said no.

I was being a hypocrite. I hardly believed that I would have given the note to the police. It pointed at Kiara, at the things she felt were not so complicated. She forgot how small things could hurt someone. Just like forgetting to bake your son the cake you promised days ago, trying to destroy a friendship was also bad. I kicked at the grass. Bad did not even cover it.

I shut my eyes and shoved my hands in my pockets, leaning back on the bench and enjoying the weather, not that there was much to enjoy. It was surprising to find people here despite the heat.

I put on my sunglasses and tried not to think of her. Of course I failed. Till the afternoon, I kept telling myself that it was okay. I had the chance to hand it over to the police, I lost it. Now that it was Kiara's, the choice rested with her. And I understood. I understood she was afraid of how Vicky would react but I could not tune down my conscience. Shay was barely getting any better. God forbid, if something happened, it would all fall apart.

"I had asked her to leave," Kiara had admitted, "after Ash's death when I saw her crying."

Her face showed no remorse, no regret. She was just a friend telling Shay to stay away. I was, for the lack of better word, amazed. The thought of Shay blaming Kiara gave me a shiver and that girl did not even flinch. Maybe she did, I wasn't sure.

The grass crunched behind my bench and I detected movement. I did not have to open my eyes to see who was sitting next to me. It had to be her. The scent of her perfume hit me like it hit every morning, except today when it had been overpowered by Vicky's.

"Just say it," she muttered, "I can handle it. I'm not sick anymore."

I lifted up my sunglasses and looked at her pale face. Yeah, right, not sick. I put my glasses back.

"Nolan."

"I need time," I muttered, unsure if that was what I wanted.

"I'm sorry," she said.

I wanted to ask for which part. Was it for shouting at me before saying she was just having a discussion and inviting me to talk normally during the assembly? Or was it because I 'had no idea what it felt like to lose a friend'? Maybe, she should be apologizing to Vicky and Shay.

Once I was sure that she would not leave me alone, I got up and began walking towards the exit of the park. She followed, of course, right there, not in step with me but not even way behind.

When she looked around, I stole a glance at her. Her eyes had found that abandoned slide more interesting but her feet kept up with me. The air stirred for a moment and her hair set into commotion. She hadn't tied them down but the blue hair band set them in place. A strand flew into her mouth and she pulled it out. Our gazes met.