Till The Count Of Five ✓

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I see her in the night only because I know I'll be seeing you in the morning. That keeps me going.

Vee

2nd May 2019, Thursday
16:00

I drew a fifth slanting line over the four others. It simply didn't stop. I saw Ashiamma again, this time in that same white dress.

"Stop," I had said.

She hadn't. She never did.

"This isn't you. This...None of this is you."

Her lips had lifted and dark water, black and dusty, fell down her chin; her laugh, loud and cynical. Full of hatred.

I shut the notebook and stared at the ceiling. My fingers worked on the wood of the table, its edges now rough and dry. It was an illusion, another bad dream, repeat after me. It was an illusion, another bad dream. Just a dream, nothing else. I chanted the words until my heart followed the same rhythm like that of my tongue. Fast, uneasy, twisted but beating. I shut my eyes. The heaviness in my chest increased by a thousand grams. It wasn't blood flowing through me, at least not my blood.

"Are you sure?" Papa's voice said.

I didn't dare to open my eyes.

Ash stood there, smiling and then someone rose behind her. A hand on her mouth, another on her waist. CRACK! She fell down, her head a feet away from her head. This time, a bloodless mess.

"Are you sure?" Papa said again.

My breaths were heavy and short, in search for a comforting rub on my back. I simply got asked again. And again. And again. Through the nights, his eyes haunted me and asked if I was sure. I had no answer except one, I didn't know. Maybe, maybe not.

My eyes opened and I got up, a piece of wood pierced in my finger. I hissed in pain and pulled it out. It came out clean, bloodless. The scene repeated in my head, Ashiamma and those hands, so familiar. I shook my head and left my room.

Just a dream, both of these.

"Where are you going?"

My hand tightened around the door knob. He was real, right here with me.

"Nowhere," I replied, my forehead touching the cold surface of the door.

"Then, why are you standing at the door?" he asked.

I turned my head and smiled. "Mummy is out, isn't she?" Facing him completely, with my back still in contact with the door, I continued, "Otherwise, what's up with father-son bonding?"

"Vi-"

I snapped my fingers. "Let me guess, it is about my grades. They're good."

"Vick-"

My smile softened. "It's about me. I'm perfect, as perfect as a drink." I could not believe that the glass on the table next to his laptop was empty. Its base wasn't even stained with anything. Nothing left, not even a sip. My throat went dry but I shook my head. I would not give in.

13th April 2019, Saturday
19:00

I lay on my bed, half-alive, half-dead. All I saw were those two, one dead and other on her way to die. I couldn't make up my mind if I was happy or sad. I had said before that I wanted Shay to rot, but I wanted her to rot, not die. There was plenty of space here on Earth to rot. I could find her a good rotting spot as well if she decided to stay alive. She would stay alive. I knew her. Just like Ashiamma, she would give a good fight. She had to.