Till The Count Of Five ✓

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Let's pretend the carrot is rotten because I can't bring myself to believe the fact that I lost to you. I did not lose. I just gave it to you. Either this or let's pretend.

Ash

6th March 2019, Wednesday
16:30

I stared at his coat that I had fallen in love with. He pushed against the ground and swung lightly, turning to me and assessing me with those big beautiful eyes. I did not look away. I couldn't. He was beautiful. But I wasn't. I was so ugly that I couldn't even look at myself. A failure, an addict, a loser, a cheater...that was me. And I wasn't even ashamed of myself. It hurt when Rishab ignored my presence, knowing he was right. It hurt when Shay walked around as if she needed no one. It hurt to push Vicky away but I had to. I was that sick. If I did not have to push anyone away, it was him.

"Nikhil," I rolled the name on my tongue. "It works."

He smiled and shrugged. "If it helps."

He had absolutely no idea. "You're not upset? Like, why are you not preaching me that I should be independent and move on from Rishab?"

"Because it is your choice. You are choosing to let him overshadow you. Everything we do is our choice. But that isn't why you're in a park in this weather."

"I think I failed the finals."

"Finals of eleventh, not life, Ashiamma. Life always offers scope for improvement."

"Did it offer you?"

I gauged his expression, a tinge of sadness that espoused hope and gratification. He adjusted himself on the weak wooden swing and grabbed the iron chains. "I grabbed it."

But you still sometimes regret it, I wanted to point. "I was supposed to be in the school today with Kiara and participate but I have got too many ego issues, apparently."

"Did she say that?"

I squirmed in my seat. "She just gave a sad look but my art teacher said that. I don't know. It felt like the right thing. They threw me out. I switched on them. Doesn't that make us fair?" It was a rhetorical question. Even if he did answer, he'd say something like It's not about being fair. It could never be about that.

"What do you want to do now?" he asked.

"Break into the school and see who they replaced me with this time."

His mouth fell open and he broke into fits of laughter. Not awkward, haha, please say you're kidding laughter but full blown, genuine laugh.

"I'm serious."

"No," he said, wiping away his smile. "You're filled with desire to extract revenge without taking a risk like saying no again."

I narrowed my eyes. "I think breaking into the school is more risky."

"How will you do it, then?" The tilt in his head and his tone made him sound genuinely curious.

"Don't ask. We both know what can be the consequences. Let's us hope they stick to me." I did not want him to come along with me, not when they all were going to be there. "How'll you go back?"

He stared behind me. "I'll call someone. Are you sure, Ashiamma?"

He would not leave like this. So, I lied. "You know what, I'm not going. Geez, it just popped in my mind but now sounds dumb to me."