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the boy clears his throat before tapping lightly on the unusual device in front of him. he had never used it before so it intrigued him how a tape recorder works.
"testing 1,2," he clears his throat once again, chuckling at himself for that. for almost a minute, he stays silent, not knowing how to start his message. he sits on his hospital bed, blankly staring at the plain white walls all over the room, fiddling with his blanket. he clears his throat one last time before he decides to finally get to it.
"hi, it's seonghwa." he chuckles, finding it funny that he's introducing himself to her like she wouldn't know who it was from just one word he utters. "i hope this tape find you well. well, that is, if you do find this.." he starts off, taking a deep breath before continuing.
"i know it's so cheesy and old fashioned that i'm using a tape recorder to leave you a message but i still remember the first movie we watched together, you told me it was a cute gesture. and i've never forgotten it up until now. you're such a sucker for things like this and i'm sorry i won't be able to do these for you anymore." he pauses for a bit, trying to prevent himself from getting too sad.
"you're probably going to be angry when you find this because i broke it off by saying i don't care anymore. i actually do care. a lot. and i know it's dumb and cliché of me to be ending things like that just because i want to save you from further pain. but i can't take it. i don't want you to later find out that i left, hating you. because i didn't. i could never hate you. you're the only one i could imagine growing old with. if only it wasn't for this stupid illness, i'd probably already ask you to marry me," he chuckles, blinking away the tears that somehow formed as he thought of her and their memories together.
"i love you, and i've always loved you. i know it's selfish of me to even think of leaving a message for you, when i told myself to end things completely so it would save you some heartache. but i can't do that. you are my one true love, my soulmate, my best friend, don't tell that to yunho though," he giggles through the now continuous tears that are flowing.
"it's too late for me to apologise now and to ask you to spend time with me before i go. because right now, as i am talking to you, well, sort of talking to you? i'm only moments away from leaving forever. i don't know how much time i have left exactly, but i just want to let this out somehow.
"which is why i say, and i quote from literally three minutes ago, if you do find this. because i don't know if i want you to find this or not. but either way, i still get to let it out so i'm satisfied.
"you're such a beautiful person inside and outside. anyone would be lucky to have you. that includes me. i was so lucky to have found you, but sadly, not everyone gets what they want. and sometimes i wonder if it's something i've done in my past life or something that just won't let me have a happy ending in this life. but at least i got to meet you. and that was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
"you changed me, love, you changed my whole life. i fell for you and i fell hard. and i'm not even mad about it. because with a heart like that, anyone would be lucky to have you. i'm glad i was something important in your life. i'm sorry for the pain i put you through. i'm sorry for being selfish. i just can't stand the thought of you hurting, because of me.
"you deserve the whole world, princess. i'd give it to you if i could. and please don't blame yourself. i know how you get and i'll be really mad if you start blaming yourself for everything. if anything, it was my fault. the only thing you've done was steal my heart and i'll let you keep it forever, my love.
"i'm sorry that it had to end like this. i hope that in another life, i'll get to be with you again and maybe then, we'll have our happy ending. you are my everything and i love you so much." he ends the tape almost immediately, tears falling down uncontrollably as he cries out loud, ignoring the physical pain he was feeling.
he was angry, sad and confused all at the same time. what did he ever do to deserve this? why couldn't he live like any other teenager? why did he have to leave not even halfway past his desired lifetime? how come other people could start a family with the person they love but he couldn't? it was unfair. everything was unfair to him. he would do anything to be able to grow old with the girl he loves.
