𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨 || 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚.

v.

our every moment, i start to replay

but all i can think about is seeing
that look on your face

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"are you sober?" she asks him first thing when he sat himself in front of her in the cafe. he felt his heart breaking when she casually dropped the question on him. how many times had he shown up intoxicated that she even felt the need to ask him that? he couldn't even remember their last date, most probably because all the times they had gone out, he wasn't in the right state of mind.

he felt so guilty for treating her like that. he felt guilty for being the reason behind her pain. she never told him but he knew. he knew she was disappointed of him. he was too. but it's not like he could help it anyway.

and he felt like he didn't deserve her at all. she was too good for him. and he didn't want to cause anymore pain to her. so he decided to do what he thought was best for the both of them.

"i think we should break up."

the fire in her eyes disappeared in an instant, replaced with a look of disbelief. she frowns, having mixed feelings about his statement. "w–what? why? am i not good enough? have i not been good enough to you?" she rambles, all her angry, pent up feelings forgotten as she tried to figure out what she could've done wrong.

no matter how much she hated him or claimed to hate him, he would always have a special spot in her heart. unlike how she had made it seem to yunho, it wasn't easy to give up on seonghwa when he had changed her life. he was the only one she wanted.

"i'm just, not for you."

"no! we can fix this. we just need to talk. we can't have a perfect relationship if there's no communication, right? tell me what's been bothering you, hwa! i swear i can help! you just," she pauses, tears threatening to fall.

"you just need to tell me everything. only then i can help you. do you not trust me?" she looks him in the eye just as a tear fell, continuously followed by more. seonghwa swore he could hear his own heart shatter when he made eye contact with her as her tears flowed, but he willed himself to go through with his plan.

"no, i don't! and i don't love you anymore, okay? heck, i never even loved you! stop trying to fix what we had because what we had was nothing. and stop trying to tell me what i should and should not do to my body. you're never going to understand how i feel so you should just forget about it! it's not worth it, i'm not worth it. and tell yunho to leave me alone too, i'm old enough to know what i'm doing. just, forget about me, both of you."

he wanted to man up and tell her the real reason but he found himself unable to. with all the hurt he had already caused her, he couldn't bear to see her in anymore pain because of him.

and so he quickly got up to leave the cafe, loitering nearby to still watch her without her knowing. his heart breaks into pieces seeing her break down in the middle of the cafe. he knew she didn't like to cry in public and seeing her come apart right then and there was messing with him.

he had to fight himself to not run back and comfort her because that would only make things harder. he was the one who decided to end it all. the beautiful relationship they had created, ended just like that. he didn't even give her a choice.

but it's not like he had a choice either. whether or not he broke it off with her, their tragic love story would still end with her crying over him. and he wanted to save her from a bigger pain, and so he let her go before she found out anything more.

he wanted her to hate him for ending things with her after everything she'd done and was still willing to do for him. he wanted her to think that their relationship meant nothing at all to him. he wanted her to loathe him.

but knowing her, she would probably be beating herself up for everything, blaming herself for being the reason everything went wrong. he never meant to hurt her any further but he was too deep in to redeem himself.

and so he decided that the best thing for her is to make her think that he doesn't give a damn about her. for her to forget him completely and move on. to save herself from wasting more tears on him.