Dear Evalynn Hansen: Be More Chill

Nightly Ritual

"I really need to go home at some point, Connor."

"Must you really?"

"Yes, I...oh," Evalynn trailed off as Connor left a trail of kisses up her arm and neck.

"You could stay the night. My parents are still out of town."

"Yeah, but Evan-"

"Fuck that. Stay here."

"Connor, I can't."

"Why not? And don't say it's because of your fucking brother."

"It's a school night."

"Yes, and?"

"I can't re-wear that outfit tomorrow."

"Why not? It's sexy."

"Connor!"

"Ugh. Fine."

Connor rolled out of bed and started redressing himself.

"When do you get that thing off?" he gestured to her cast.

She glared down at the offending object and sighed.

"Not for at least another month, I'm afraid."

"Get dressed. I'll drive you home."

Throwing back the blanket, she did as she was told. Once both teens were dressed to acceptable standards, they left his room hand in hand. There was guitar music coming from behind Zoe's closed door. Connor paused to knock, telling her he was going out and would be back in a few minutes. In the car, Connor leaned over and kissed her deeply before starting the engine.

'Don't think just because this interaction went well, that means we won't be doing our new nightly ritual.'

'New nightly ritual?'

'Everything about you is still terrible, no matter what improvements we started making today.'

Evalynn swallowed the lump that had started forming in her throat. When she started sinking down in her seat, the SQUIP sent another shock through her body.

"Don't do that," Connor said. "They'll just keep shocking you until you stop."

"Yours shocks you, too?"

"Not any more. After the second time, I got the message so they stopped having to do it."

"Only twice?"

"Yeah. Why? How many times have they shocked you?"

"That was the ninth time," Evalynn said quietly.

Connor nearly crashed the car slamming on the break.

"N-ninth? Why the fuck...Why don't you just stop doing the thing that's making them shock you?"

"Because it's THINGS plural and some of it is out of my control."

They drove in silence for a few minutes after that until they pulled up outside Evalynn's house. Connor leaned over to kiss her again.

"I had a good time. Want me to pick you up tomorrow?"

"Sure," Evalynn replied.

Kissing Connor once more, she climbed out of the car, waving before heading inside.

"Lynn, is that you?" Evan's voice sounded.

"Yeah, it's me!" she called back.

He appeared in the hallway and stared at her.

"Where have you been? It's really late."

'Lie to him.'

'And say what?'

'Tell him you were at Alana's house.'

"I was at Alana's," Evalynn informed him.

"Really? You haven't been over there in ages."

"Yeah. She approached me about it during school today."

'Tell him that she is giving you a ride to school tomorrow.'

"Actually, she's giving me a ride tomorrow morning so you can leave without me."

"Oh. Okay then. I'm heading to bed. Mom should be home in about an hour."

"Cool. Good night."

"Night."

After Evan disappeared, Evalynn headed to the kitchen to make herself something for dinner. She was administered three more shocks before she finally found something the SQUIP deemed acceptable. When she was done eating, she headed to her room and locked the door, looking at SQUIP Evan expectantly.

'You know how this works. Repeat after me,' they said, walking over to speak in her ear. 'Everything about you is so terrible.'

"Everything about me is just terrible."

'Everything about you makes me wanna die.'

"Everything about me makes me wanna die."

'Excellent. Now prepare yourself for bed.'

Evalynn numbly went through the motions, the phrases repeating over and over in her mind. She heard noises in the hall and unlocked her door, knowing her mom would peek in to check on her. A few minutes later, after she climbed into bed, her door opened a crack as her mother snuck in quietly. She pretended to be asleep, the SQUIP forcing her breathing to come out evenly, and felt her mom press a kiss to her temple.

"Good night, sweetie," Heidi whispered before sneaking back out to do the same with Evan.

'Everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me wanna die.'