Sober

Chapter 21

It’s almost midnight and Aga’s car is parked outside a familiar house. On the passenger seat is Lea who has been quiet from the moment she sat in there. He still managed to send her home despite that situation before they left their house.

Nakaupo lamang silang dalawa sa loob ng sasakyan at hindi nag-iimikan. Magdadalawang minuto na ring ganoon ang sitwasyon nila. Lea could’ve chosen to go out and leave already but she feels the need to say something. About that kiss. About them.

Aga glanced at her, words were jumbling inside his head. He has not uttered any proper sentence since that kiss— since he heard those words that Lea uttered. He doesn’t even know how to approach her now.

Nagulo ang tahimik na paligid ng dalawa nang makarinig sila ng katok mula sa bintana kung nasaan si Aga. He opened it to see who it is but he got blinded by the light that welcomed him. Kahit si Lea ay bahagya ring nasilaw.

“Kuya naman!” he stated when he saw that it’s a man in uniform.

“Ay, pasensya na po,” the village’s guard said and turned off the flashlight he’s holding. “Itatanong ko lang ho sana kung ano pa pong ginagawa niyo rito? Hindi naman po kayo tiga-rito ‘di ba?”

Aga looks at Lea after the guard called him out as if asking for a help. She tilts her head a little to peek at the window where she can be seen, “Hi, Kuya!” forcing a smile, she greets the guard and even waves a hand.

Alas! He feels like she hasn’t spoken for years that her voice sounded new to his ears.

“Ma’am Lea, kayo po pala ‘yan!”

“Opo. Hinatid niya lang po ako pero aalis na rin po siya.”

“Gan’on po ba? Pakibilisan na lang po. Lagpas na po kasi tayo sa curfew.” he said.

“Sige po. Pasensya na po at salamat!” she thanks him before the guard left them there. Her smile immediately fades as she unbuckles the seatbelt she forgot to remove earlier. “I should go. Ikaw rin. Ingat ka!”

“Aren’t we talking about what happened?” he finally had the guts to ask. “We’ll just let that pass like it didn’t happen?”

“Shouldn’t we do that? Just let it pass and forget about it. It’s meant to be forgotten anyway.”

“Are you serious?!” frustratingly and unbelievably, he asks.

“What’s there left to talk about that then!? What do you want us to talk about? Kung masarap ‘yung halik— teka, nasarapan ka ba?”

He frowned and looked at her in the eye, “Why are you suddenly acting like that?”

“Because I feel so stupid!” she exclaims as she slams her back to the backrest of her seat. The softness of it just saved her from a severe back pain. “I feel so stupid. That was a very stupid move. I feel like, for the first time after my addiction, I didn’t think again— I didn’t use my brain. It’s stupid and sinful.” she said and clutched her own hair in frustration. Stupid, stupid, stupid, cheater.

“Weren’t you thinking when you said those things to me? Weren’t you thinking when you said you love me?”

“Yeah,” pag-amin niya. “Kasi hindi naman utak ‘yung pinagana ko. Itong puso ko, ito ‘yung nagsalita. Kaya siguro ang tanga tanga eh!”

“But it was pure. If it came from your heart, then it’s real.” he commented and looked straight ahead. “So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel like that.”

“Hindi mo naman alam— alam mo na pala ngayon,” she said which made him smile a little. He finds it a little comical. “I know it’s wrong. We both know how wrong it was, but my intentions don’t go beyond that confession. I just let those feelings out for me inner peace na rin. I am not asking you to love me back or to come back to me because that would be insane. I’ll be a total idiot if I’d do that. I just hope now that I’d be able to finally and completely let go of our past, of all the regrets and could’ve beens— of us.”