how did my life come to this? - ninjago au

Well, it All Started With a Divorce...

Lloyd groaned as he flopped back on the couch as he reread Akita's terms and conditions. It hadn't even been three months and they were getting divorced.

Gah! He should have known it wasn't meant to be when she said, 'I suppose,' instead of, 'I do'. Akita had requested that in the divorce, she would get:

90% of his salary going forth.

The house

All mutual friends were to 'leave him in the dust'

The car.

Floofy Mc Duffins.

And it also stated that she would 'own his dignity'

Reaching for Nya's laptop (his own one was in the repair shop after Floofy tipped orange juice all over it) he opened up a word document.

MY Terms and Conditions.

To Akita, my two-faced deceitful ex-wife to be,

I have read through your Terms and Conditions...and two can play at this game. First of all, why in the First Spinjitzu Master's name should you receive 90% of my salary? My salary is my salary and I only give to those I give consent to i.e. anyone BUT you.

Next, you can keep the house, I am done with you banishing me to the basement every night. That place gives me the creeps and I'm pretty sure the stuff you have in there has given me PTSD. 

Third of all...YOU HAVE MORE FRIENDS THAN I DO. That being said, those mutual friends should leave YOU in the dust and sweep me up instead. 

Next on the list, you cannot drive Betsy! That car is my life and soul. I believe that I should keep the car as I'm afraid that in three months' time, you will have also filed for a divorce...or just sold her, I don't think it's possible to divorce vehicles. Also Nya and Jay would kill me if I sold my birthday present from them.

Floofy is my dog, he has been with me since I had that bowling ball fall on my face. I refuse to give up Floofy McDuffins, in case in three months you decide to divorce him as well...actually I think he'd divorce you first!

FINALLY, IT IS MY DIGNITY! My dignity, my rights! My dignity shan't have anything to do with you anymore. That's right, I said 'shan't'. You have no right to my dignity, so dignity up!

Also, I know enough Spanish to know what 'Idiota' means! I have friends who speak Spanish, you know!

Sincerely, your ex-husband with dignity, who has GLADLY moved on,

Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon II.

Yes, he's named after his grandfather, Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon I. Smiling with satisfaction, he clicked 'Save'

He stood up and stretched his muscles, "Floofy! Come on, boy. Time for a walk!"

Floofy sprinted towards him, tackling him down. Lloyd laughed as he stood up, brushing himself off.

Why didn't he listen to his parents and just travel abroad for a year. Then he wouldn't have made the impulse decision to get married within 6 weeks after meeting Akita.

He groaned as he tied his laces.

"Floofy, how did my life come to this? This is stupid, I'm talking to a dog! I've lost it! But seriously, how did my life come to this, Floofy?"