The Blackout ⤖ George Russell

T H I R T Y

The night was long. Nora had the idea she had not closed her eyes once in the whole night. Twirling around in bed, nonstop thinking about the situation she was in, thinking about her life if it all didn't happen, thinking about George. It wasn't a comfortable night.

Rays of sunlight escaped from the curtains. It is already morning, great, she thought. She blinked a few times and stared in the darkness. Other people were awake as well in the house, they walked around and talked. Yet Nora wasn't feeling it to see them. A sigh left her mouth, everything sucked.

Snaps of the fight with George flashed through her mind. Her eyes closed for a moment, it was painful to think about it. But all she did was thinking about that moment, about the moment George told her he made a mistake at that race, the moment she woke up and saw George his scared look on his face...the moment he looked at her before he kissed her in Abu Dhabi. Why is everything about George? Why can't I think about something else? Why can't I stop thinking about him because it is over? I have to move on.

Nora looked around, her eyes became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. She refused to cry; he was not worth her tears. She instead chose to stare at the ceiling, her mind was elsewhere; she felt the bed sheets beneath her, so real, cold but yet so warm, yet she didn't feel connected to them. She didn't feel connected to reality.

As she blinked, the tears dripped from her eyelids and slid down her face. She bit her lip tightly in an attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth. Nora shook her head, and an ugly sound left her mouth. She turned to her side and hugged her blanket. The fabric became wet from her tears.

Get it together, Nora. She deeply inhaled, her breath was shaky. She dried her cheeks and sat up in her bed. The tears kept flowing, but she wanted it to stop. She grabbed an elastic and made a bun in her hair. She wiped her tears away again and got up. The coldness slammed her body. She grabbed a hoodie from the ground and opened the curtains while putting the hoodie on. The sun reached her eyes, it was an almost clear sky with a few clouds. It must chance this afternoon, this is rare. She sat down on the end of her bed for a while, hoping she would calm down.

Nora got up and left her room. She walked down the stairs. People were leaving the house; school and work. She hoped she was alone, but that wasn't the case. Her mum and Aubrey were still eating breakfast.

"Good morning, sweetheart," Maude happily said and took a big sip from her coffee.

"Hey," Nora said and sat down at the table.

"Slept well?"

All Nora did was nodding. Aubrey and Maude continued their conversation. Tears welled up in her eyes again, the vision she had, began to swim in front of her. It made her look down, at the plain white plate. She refused to move, afraid that if she moved a muscle, she would break down. There was a bird outside and chirped. Nora wasn't sure if this set it off, but soon after the bird's action, the lump in her throat developed into a knot. Her lungs screamed for oxygen. She gasped for air.

Maude placed the cup back on the table, and she looked at her daughter. "Nora, are you okay?" She didn't get an answer.

Tears involuntarily slid down Nora's cheek, she couldn't take it anymore. The sounds of her ugly sobs filled the room. Her body began to shake; she couldn't control her body anymore.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Maude worriedly asked and moved closer to her daughter. "Calm down," she said and wrapped her arms around Nora. She closed the gap by pulling Nora's head against her chest.

Aubrey tightened her jaw and swallowed hard. Nora broke, for the first time, she actually broke. All the emotions she had been hiding, finally came out. She looked at her mother, who had no clue what was going on. An awkward look flushed over her face, she had no idea how to act in this situation.

"It's over," Nora managed to get out. "I can't race anymore," she cried and gasped for air. "It's all over."

"Baby, don't say that," Maude said and pressed a kiss on Nora's forehead.

"It is over, I won't be able to do it," Nora painfully said. "I...I have worked so hard for it, I have fought to get that spot what I deserved. And one misjudged moment, and it is over. My career is over."

Maude closed her eyes and stroked Nora's back. "I know," she whispered.

"Why me? What have I done to end up like this?"

For a long time, no words were exchanged. Aubrey was staring in front of her and Maude comforted Nora. Nora was hurt and felt the pain all over her body. Hiding her emotions wasn't right to do, it was too much at once. Her lungs began to hurt, so did her throat. It seemed like Nora has calmed down. Lonely tears escaped her eyes now and then.

"You will race again, Nora. You will recover, and you will start fighting again," Maude positively said. "We will start from the beginning, baby steps. But you will get there. You are talented, wanted..."

Nora shook her head, and her sight got blurry again from the tears. "No one wants me, I'm nothing," she said. She pulled back from her mother, sitting up straight again.

"You can't give up."

"I..." She broke in tears again. "I blamed George for this," she cried. "I blamed him for this, I told him I hate him...I blamed him for something we both could not prevent. For that reason alone, I can't be a driver; I am weak and blame other people." Nora was strict on herself. She began to talk at a fast pace. "I am the problem in all of this. If I didn't do a thing wrong, I wouldn't have been hurt. It is my fault."

"Don't blame yourself from this, Nora."

It came up, she could feel it. It was happening. "Panic," Nora said. That one word, the word everybody around the table knew what it meant; panic attackThere was a pressure on her chest, and she felt nauseous. Everything around her began to spin. Her heart started to race in her chest.

"No, you're not having an attack. We are going to calm down. Do you hear me? We are going to calm down," Maude said. "What do you want me to do to for you?" Nora didn't answer. "What can I do for you, Nora?"

"I don't know," Nora mumbled. "I'm sorry." She was shaking her head. "I'm sorry." All she wanted was to be alone, no one was allowed to touch her.

She was trying to breathe, but she couldn't breathe. Someone was clutching her throat, stopping her from taking full breathes. But no one was touching her, she was on her own. It felt like she was going to die.

Tears formed in Aubrey's eyes; seeing Nora in panic was heartbreaking and painful to watch. She looked at her mother, who was trying to do something.

"Nora, attention to me please." Maude raised her voice, trying to get Nora's attention. Nora kept looking away from her. "Look at me now." Nora carefully looked at her mother, she was finally listening. "Now breathe in," Maude performed an inward motion with her hands. A shaky breath entered Nora's airways. "And out," Maude breathed out with Nora. "And we do it again. In... And out."

The tears were streaming down Nora's face while she was trying to get her breath under control together with her mum.

"You're doing fine," Maude said. "Let's go to your bed, so you can lay down." She got up. "If it gets worse, we're going to the hospital. I don't know if it can cause damage. We will go for a walk later," she informed Aubrey, who immediately nodded. Maude helped Nora getting up and supported Nora with walking.