Heart Torment

11

Good day loves (or evening or afternoon if you are not reading this in the morning) First of all, this chapters random/ recommended song is going to be "Style" by the very talented and amazing Miss Taylor Swift. Also I would like to say something, parts of this Jamie Dornan fan-fiction series is true. Aspects of what happens in this and what has happened to Liv in the story has actually happened to me. I know you guys probably don't care but I try my hardest to base my work on reality so it's easier to write and get my head around. Also, writing is my coping method. Any who and what not, see you very very soon, still love you guys and thank you to you who have taken your time to read every chapter from the beginning of the series, of this book or even jut this sentence. It sincerely does mean a lot to me. Love youuuu:)❤

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*Olivia's P.O.V*

"Mind if I join you?" A recognizable voice asks; their hand quiescent on the table as they distract my running thoughts. My hands neighbouring my cup of coffee and the cold air of the café hitting my ankles as the legs are rolled up on my jeans. I look up through my blue hair and give him a blank look and gape at his bright hair. I've just finished my rehearsal for my book conference tomorrow, and decided it would be best if I got a drink (a non alcoholic one), and to let Taylor go home and rest.

"Last time I checked it was a free country, so sure. I don't know why you'd want to though as I haven't seen you since the miscarriage and all I've ever done is mess up your life, Lloyd." I let out a breath and place down my cup, nodding to the seat opposite me. He revenues it and turns it around so the back of the chair is facing the front and his legs are on either side of it.

"I didn't come in here for any reason, you know? I came in here to see if you were up to scratch, and I desired to talk to someone other than Alessia." He takes my hand and places it on his wet cheek. I look into his eyes to see that he's been crying.

"A-are you alright? What's happened...?" I stutter, my thumb brushing over his tears to get rid of them. Why would he be crying? Is it April? "Is April alright?" I wonder before taking his other hand, pulling it out of his hoodie sleeve and intertwining his fingers with mine. "Talk to me... Smurfy." I've never seen him cry before.

"Smurfy has been left once again..." He mildly cries and squeezes my hand harder, "Alessia left me... she had every right to though, I never truthfully loved her. I was just using her for the feeling of having someone to hold and love and for someone that isn't my own kinship to love me back. She occupied the vacancy that you left, Liv. It was all just fake love and sex."

"Matt... You should on no occasion love someone to fill a gap. I was still there to support you. I kept my mobile number the same so you could contact me. I told you what University I was going to so you could contact them to get hold of me. If April was ever in danger you could've called me. I did what I thought was best at the time. I had forced myself to love you and it wasn't right for either of us or April." I kiss his hand and pour him some coffee from the dispenser. He had to pretend to love someone because of you, Smith. This is all your fault.

"I just still love you, Olivia. I know you actually love me. I've seen how you've been beholding me recently. When we went out to the dinner the other night, you gave me the most sincere smile alive. A smile that means "I love you". You were my little Smurfy who I was looking after. You're my everything." He takes a sip of the coffee; taking a breath to clear his throat and to stop crying. Wait, what the fuck? He still loves me after 12 years? Fuck.

"Fine, maybe deep down I do still love you, but we just can't be together. You spent forever trying to move to Canada and I live in London. That's what; a nine hour flight and four thousand miles or so?" Shut your face, you don't love him. You never have. You're just saying this to make yourself feel better.  "It's probably a miracle that I saw you again."

"Have you not for one moment thought this could be faith? That we bumped into each other at the airport for a reason. That after taking a twelve year break we would be fine again like we were when we first met?" He sets the coffee down and stands up, offering out his hand for me. I stand up and take it, apprehensive yet gleeful with where this may go. Don't go along with it, Smith. You don't want this.

"Maybe so, but what about the whole situation of Jamie? He recently asked me to be his. And what about Jack? He'll come and hurt you; hurt April if he finds out." I look up at him and place my spare hand through his hair. Stop it!

"I can't be the one to make you choose me over Jamie. I've seen how adjacent you are together. Just let me try to win you over and do my part in this love triangle involving: Jamie, yourself, and I. He's doing his share, admittedly he's doing a crap job of it, but he's trying." He places his spare hand underneath my chin and kisses me gently, then continuing, "Let me take you back to where we first met in person. Our first awkward date. Where I got to tell you I loved you face to face for the first time in our history." Don't say yes. This is crazy and not what you want.

"That's a two day drive to get there, what about April? We can't leave her for four days on her own. That's just not fair. Abandoning your little girl just like that... just like I did." My grey nails scrunch up his hair as I nuzzle into him. Back off Smith. You're gonna hurt him. You're gonna hurt yourself.

"Then we'll catch the first flight. Alessia is looking after her as we speak and they will most likely both be asleep when we first get there. It's an uneven five hour flight or so. I mean, it's already eleven in the evening. We will get there, spend a few hours relaxing, get on the first flight back, and get you to your book conference... What do you say?" He looks past his glasses and straight into my green eyes. Olivia, No. No, no, no, no, no!

"Okay, Smurfy. If I really must," For fucks sake!  I look back into the eyes that I loved once upon a time, "It's an awful lot of money though for a day trip, don't you think?"

"You're worth all the money in the world, you deserve a proper break. No best friend drama or book publishing, just some relaxing flights and a getaway." The hoodie sleeves covering his arms then wrap around my lower back; his right hand going into my back pocket to grab my phone. "Turn it off, it will annoy you and we can't have you worrying about Jamie or Jack. If April wants to get hold of me, she has my number." His left hand then lifts my chin, his eyes divert back and forth from my lips and my eyes. With great expression, I put my arms around his neck. His thumb on my lower lip and his lips parting to breathe. His head dips in towards mine and he kisses me like he has never kissed me before, like he is trying to truly win be back. He pulls away just as my blood starts to feel like hot lava running through my every vein. "Let's go, we don't have long."