Heart Torment

20

It's me again! Another update within the period of two days which is unusual for me. So the song of the chapter is "Bring it Back" by Shawn Mendes. If you've heard this song then you probably know what's going to happen in this part, if not then I suggest you listen to it whilst reading this. Any who enjoy my lil blueberry muffins. Love you lots!♡

~ Liv (:

*Olivia's P.O.V*

What am I doing to myself? Why am I bloody doing this? Why have I ever done this to myself? I hurt... So fucking much. I'm so confused. I promised not to drink or hurt myself. I'm mentally hurt though. Why was I brought into this cruel world? Why am I one of the unlucky ones in life where nothing goes right. Not. One. Tiny. Thing.

I lean up from lying beside Matt and perch my legs over the side of the bed. Deep breaths... Just count to 3...2...1...
Matt then stirs causing me to jump up instantly so he doesn't feel me weighing down the bed due to my position. I need a minute... Or an hour... Or a day. My feet are now directing me out of the room and downstairs to sit in the living room. Damn the creekieness of them! I shake off any thoughts and carry on before reaching the warm and comforting room. It's the first room I went to in this house.

As I sit down on the floor I notice April's English project for school,  entitled "My mum, the strongest woman alive". I'm not strong, I'm really not. I'm a pathetic excuse of a human and I always have and will be. I flick through it to see an old photo of Matt and I from when we first dyed our hair blue together. Twelve years on and I still remember the happy atmosphere of the room. At the end it reads "My mum is back for good and I love her so much..." I'm weak. I'm crying. I'm crying so damn hard. My daughter whom I love so much. I throw it to the corner of the room before closing the door and leaning against so I can sob without anyone hearing me. Would anyone care if they did? Probably not. I'm just an outcast, carcrash of a twenty- nine year old alcoholic who just drinks everything away. I'm daring to go along with my plan so I better pull myself together and get ready.

I stand and walk over to my suitcase,  that Taylor kindly brought over for me from the hotel I was staying at. Jamie's sleeping in the room I was in.
I rummage around and find what I want. A notepad and pen. What about April? Oh damn. This is a lose-lose situation. No. Okay. You can do this. I start to scribble on the paper.