She came Back

Confusion

*RingRing

The stupid alram went off. I peeked over my blanket to check what time it looked like by seeing how bright the sun is shinning across my room. It look like it was afternoon. I got up a little more and supported my weight with my elbows. I took a long look at the clock on the wall, checking if the time was right. It said it was 10 am.

"What the f**k?" I swore between my teeth. I had not  expected myself to wake up this early but then again, I slept at 5 pm yesterday. The good thing is that I am completely relaxed. The bad thing is that what the f**k am I going to do in 10 in the morning?! I sighed.

I got up out of my now messed up bed, put on some slippers and a oversized jacked and went to the living room to watch some TV.  I collapsed on the couch and turned on the NICKELODEON channel ; I might be a teenager but nothing is taking me away from my childhood. Dora the Explorer was playing on TV. And to my shitty luck, it was the part where she was asking where her map was!

"It's behind you, oh my f**king gosh" I said while aggresively pointing at the screen. This is what I hate about kiddy shows, it's so f*cking useless. Like will they start askimg help from a imaginary talking map? I eventually got fed up and decided to use my phone.
* 2 missed calls

I stared blankly at my phone deciding wether to check it. Ugh, whatever It can't be that Important. What am I evem afraid of? Jess calling? Maybe. Sighing in defeaf I just decided to check it.

BESTFRIEND❤- 2 missed calls.

" Huh?" I said to myself. I should call her and check out why she called.

*dails BESTFRIEND❤ 

" Hey Anna, did you call?"

" oh yea, I was gonna ask if you want to hang or something? I feel like going out. Wanna come?"

"Not really free today, sorry. Maybe next time? Studying"

"Oh It's fine, hey , are you ok? You don't sound alright"

"Nah, I'm great. Look, I'll call you later. I have to study now, bye"

F**k, I lied again. Ugh, what is wrong with me. I'm a terrible friend. Ugh, I have had enough of myself now. I stood up from the couch and wondered off to the toilet. I looked at the mirror for a while and took out a ciggarette packet from the cabinent. I'm not really allowded to smoke since I'm just 15. But when has that ever stopped me? I lit up the ciggarette and started smoking while looking in the mirror. I was getting bad again but I was too tired to care anymore. I was so tired of everything. Everything happening around me. I just wanna go away from here ugh. Why does life have to be so complicated?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that my ciggarette had finised. I sighed. Throwing the finised ciggarette outside the window. I took one small glace again in the mirror asking myself

"Look at you, you're a mess" and I knew I was a mess. Maybe I liked being a mess, maybe it was because I cared less about everything. And I also let myself go. But then again, I also missed my self-content self where I was so happy and positive. Guess that person was gone.

So I decided to do something I promised everyone of my friends I would never do. I reached for the cabinent again, but this is I picked up the razor. I took a long look at it and kept my breath as normal as possible. 'Maybe I don't need to do this, but then maybe this will ease my pain a little more.' I thought to myself. So I did it. I took a big breath and sliced the razor against my arm once. It was a deep cut. Blood was starting to raise up in dots. It becam thicker and thicker. I was hyperventilating now. I took a towel and wiped off the blood. Took a bandage and covered the injury with it. With that done, I walked out of the bathroom and decided to watch a little more shitty morning TV shows on NICKELODEON.

After 5 mins of TV, I decided to make myself breakfast even tho it was just 10:30 am. I entered the kitchen deciding to make myself the usual. French toast and fried eggs. While I was cooking, this disturbing thought came to mind. " I rememeber cooking food for Jess when we were together." I thought. So many more thoughts of Jess and I flashed up in my mind and I didn'g even try to stop myself from thinking that. Whats wrong with me?

Wait, whar smells like somethings burning? I sniffed around a bit only to see that my toast was burnt. Omg. I guess I was sk caught up in my thoughts that I didn't even concentrate on what I was doing. Good thing I was making toast instead of cuttin something, or else my hands would have been cut off ; which I wouldn't mind.

After eating my burnt breakfast, I checked my phone again.

*1 new message

It was from Anna. What did she want?

               Anna - We need to talk. Meet you in the usual at 7. Pls be there. It's important.