One Week Away

Chapter 18

Two months have passed since my heart broke. I tried to tell myself that he was just a short fling and that I should give my marriage another shot but it was harder than I ever imagined. I couldn't get him off my mind. It didn't help that we spent every day during the week together. I tried to act normal in front of him like nothing had changed but deep down everything had and I knew I wasn't the only one who felt it.

Mitchell and I started counseling last month. I had a long talk with him about his work/home balance as well as the things missing from our marriage and he agreed to talk to someone about our problems with me.

Today was our third visit. Our homework this week was to create some intimacy in our relationship. We spent Saturday cuddling, touching, exploring each other in ways we hadn't in so long. It eventually led to us having sex.

A year of waiting, building up to this moment and it felt so empty. It started off on the couch in the den. We were doing our homework and creating intimacy just by spending time together. I had my head in Mitchell's lap while he stroked my hair. He bent down to kiss me and the heat quickly turned up! He pulled me up so I was straddling him with my knees to each side of his hips and I felt him harden immediately as I ground my hips down onto his. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and we kissed until he picked me up and took me to our bed.

He laid me down on the bed and kissed me. It was sweet but not as passionate as before. Almost like he was second guessing his decision in the time it took him to carry me to the bedroom. I pulled him closer trying to reignite the spark from just a few moments ago.

He pulled back and kissed my neck, his fingers trailing south under the waistband of my pants to my wet core. I moan out as he rubs my wetness around my folds. He circles my clit with his fingers a few times before pulling my pants down. He reaches up and pulls the hem of my shirt up over my head to join my pants on the floor. Pulling himself up he pulls off his pajama pants and lines up at my ready center.

He thrusts in slowly and I can feel myself tense slightly. Suddenly I was the one with second thoughts. He continued to thrust in and out while I tried to push my thoughts aside. This was my husband. We were supposed to be enjoying this. Enjoying each other. But this, the thing happening between the two of us, this was just sex. It wasn't the love making we used to share. The feelings felt strained on both sides and the awkwardness of it all made me want to cringe.

After a couple of minutes I could feel Mitchell's body tensing as he picked up speed. I wasn't even close and I wasn't going to fake it for him. I knew he could tell this was different and he was ready for it to end as much as I was. I felt him pump his seed into me and then collapse on the bed next to me. He kissed my forehead and went to the bathroom to clean up.

I grabbed my robe and headed for the bathroom when he was done. I let my tears fall as soon as I shut the door. I slumped down to the floor and stayed like this for a few minutes before finishing up and getting under the covers. Leaving the bathroom and heading back towards the bed I was relieved to see Mitchell was already asleep as I was not ready to face him just yet.

We talked with the counselor about our less than stellar encounter and she said it was normal for the first time after so long to be awkward and that we shouldn't give up trying. I smiled at her acknowledging her words.

But if I am being honest with myself I didn't know if I wanted to keep trying. Our sex life used to be full of passion. We knew each other's bodies well. But this time our sex together was lackluster. It felt like a stranger was in my bed. I was afraid I would never be satisfied again.

In the car Mitchell spoke "Let's grab some dinner before we head home." "Okay sounds good."

We pull into a local Italian restaurant and head inside. We are seated and panic sets in when I notice Christian seated at a table across the room with a skinny brunette. Mitchell follows my gaze "Hey isn't that Christian over there?" I smile "Yes it is." He says "We should go say hi." "No, I don't want to interrupt them." "Adrianna you guys are business partners and friends, I don't think he will mind." I reluctantly follow Mitchell over and say hi to Christian.

"Christian, hey how are you?" Mitchell asks, extending his hand out to shake. "Good man how are you?" "Doing good. Just wanted to say hi. It's been a while. You weren't at our last party." I didn't invite him. Christian's eyes travel to mine. "Yeah I was pretty busy that day." "No worries." Christian introduces us to his dinner guest. "This is Emilia. Emilia, this is Mitchell and Adrianna. Adrianna and I work together." I look over at the brunette offering her a small smile. She has long brown hair, brown eyes, a big smile, thin physique. She is definitely his type. Am I jealous? Yes I am. Seeing him out with another woman is making my blood boil. Mitchell and I both offer Emilia pleasantries before I turn back to Christian. "Well we don't want to interrupt you any longer. It was nice to meet you Emilia. See you in the office tomorrow Christian." I smile at him and walk back to our table.

Mitchell and I get our dinner and I can't help stealing glances at Christian throughout the night. I forgot how good he looks when he is dressed up. Mitchell is going on about work. I smile and nod but truthfully I haven't heard most of what he is saying. He doesn't seem to notice because he keeps talking. I glance back to Christian and his blue eyes meet mine. Quickly I look away and turn my eyes back to Mitchell. "Are you okay Adrianna? You have barely touched your food." That's because I am sick to my stomach. "Yeah Mitchell. My stomach is just feeling a little upset. Maybe too much wine." He chuckles. "You always were a lightweight." I smile and glance to Christian who is once again looking in my direction.

Mitchell finishes his meal as I box mine to-go. My stomach is in knots and I just want to get home so I can run a bath and cry.

The drive home is long as the control of my tears tries to give out every so often. We finally pull in the driveway. "I am going to take a bath to try and calm my stomach. I will see you when you come to bed." I yell out as I head for the stairs. Just a few more steps Adrianna and you can let it all out. I shut the bathroom door and the tears immediately fall. I manage enough strength to run a bath and climb into the comforting warm water.

My phone lights up with a text. I look down and see Christian's name. My heart sinks as I open the text. "I'm sorry." That was all it said yet it said so much more than that. My tears flow faster now as they turn into sobs. I hold my hand over my mouth to drown out my cries so that Mitchell won't hear me.

After my tears subside I empty the bath, dry off and climb into bed not bothering with pajamas. The exhaustion from my emotions puts me right to sleep. I didn't even hear Mitchell or Nelly come to bed.

The next morning I wake up with puffy eyes and a swollen face. I tried my best to cover it up with makeup and hope that no one would notice when I got to work. I was finally broken. The guilt of my infidelities and the emotion of being in love with another man had finally caught up to me. I didn't know how to be myself anymore.

I found myself going through the motions this morning not really paying attention to anything. I get to work, sit down at my desk and start reading emails. Most of them I have to read over and over again before I actually understand what they say. I was in a daze. My chest hurt. My stomach hurt. My eyes hurt. It all hurt. Christian strolls into the office with two coffees and places one down on my desk. I don't bother to look up at him. I don't want him to see me like this. I don't want him to blame himself. This is my fault. I did this to myself. I did this to us.

I try my best to concentrate and lunch time finally rolls around. I stay behind because I am just not hungry and notice that Christian isn't leaving either. Once everyone has left he stands up and comes over to my desk. He pulls me up into a tight embrace and my tears fall into his shirt. He just holds me without saying a word. A few minutes pass and my tears are starting to subside. He pulls back and places a gentle kiss to my lips. I search his eyes with mine and see sadness. The same sadness that was reflecting back at him in my own eyes. We made a mess of this and only I could get us out of it.