Callaghan

32

32

TUESDAY 22ND, DAN

Olivia and I were just beginning to get along. She came across really amiable. I knew I really liked her. I was desperate to spend some time alone with her; no school, no other people. Just her and I out somewhere. I wanted to ask her out on a proper date but didn’t know how. Normally, I would be good at that kind of thing but, with Olivia, it was strangely different. If I did manage to build up my bravery and ask her out, I was scared as to what she might have said. Would she be happy? Would she be grossed out? Angry? Would she want to be with me or does she- think of us as just friends? She was all I could think of. I wanted to see her more. I wanted to speak to her more. I wanted more.

She was so oblivious that I liked her. She would always ramble on about nonsense but I didn’t mind because watching her was satisfactory enough. She was completely out of my league but right then, I didn’t care.

On that Tuesday, she was continuously panicking about her best friend, Izzy. I didn’t like to see her this worried so I attempted to calm her down. “It’s just that she always remembers to take her medication because she hates getting one of her episodes so I don’t get why she would just ‘forget’? I mean maybe something’s wrong? What if something happened between her and her mum?”

“Come on, you’re getting yourself all worked up over nothing. I expect she did actually forget. I wouldn’t have thought she meant to. This is probably just  a one-off. Let’s change the subject. How would you like to-” That was when I was fully prepared to ask her but she was focussing so much on Izzy that she interrupted me mid-sentence.

“Yeah I suppose you’re right but I’m just worrying about my best friend. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“No, so-”

“Maybe there is. I mean, what id I’m over reacting? You don’t think I’m over reacting, do you?”

Yes. Yes I did.

“No, of course not.”

“Okay good. What did you want to say?”

She caught me off-guard but this was it. She had given me the time to speak and everything was about to change. But sometimes change is good. Then I began to think again about what her response would be. ‘Man up, Dan’. I thought to myself.

“Oh, nothing…don’t worry.”

After I said those words, I regretted it. Why couldn’t I just speak to her without chickening out? Olivia then proceeded to ramble on but I wasn’t hearing any words come out. It was as if everything around me had been muted. Her lips were moving fast but still no noise could be heard. The only sound I could hear was the repetition of the words ‘Oh, nothing…don’t worry.’ Over and over and over again. Why was it so hard for me?