Palindrome

Nine

Chapter 9

My parents never knew about Abraham. There was an agreement between Ma and I that if I were to ever date it would be junior year. To her, it was a catch 22 situation because junior year's way too busy for me to be dating anyone.

Indian parents, always finding a way to weasel their way out of something.

Standing in the ice cream aisle with Abraham, I wonder what my parents would think of him. He's charming, cute, and a perfect gentleman. But I don't know how much I know about him anymore.

"Snickers ice cream bar," Saanvi reads slowly holding a box in her hands.

"Yes ma'am," Luna says with a brandish of her wallet. "Wanna get it? I'll pay." 

I watch the two of them with some sort of admiration, they're both flaunting their Indian clothes in Target confidently. Meanwhile, I keep casting glances around to make sure I don't see anyone I see. It's kind of ridiculous for me to walk around in my puffy jacket over my elaborate clothes. So far, no one's asked me if I'm Princess Jasmine so there's that. My phone buzzes, it's a snap from Paxton asking how my wedding's going.

Jerk. 

Holding the box of ice cream sandwiches in my hand over my face I send him a picture with a message- ditched my groom for something better.

"Who's Paxton?" Avinash asks slyly, swinging the crate in his hands.

"My neighbor," I answer.

"Neighbor," he drawls out and now Saanvi's staring at me with polite curiosity.

Through gritted teeth, I say, "Yes neighbor."

Abraham grabs my phone from out of my hands, "Oh he's cuteeee." He's saying it mockingly with a smug look on his face. The little shit.

"Wait show," Luna quips and Avinash shoots her an incredulous look.

"Excuse me?"

Ignoring him, she grins cheekily snickering, "Lemme see Abraham."

Luna lets out a low whistle, "Damn Aarohi if he wasn't a ginger I'd be all for it."

"Hey!" Avinash complains.

Luna reaches forward to ruffle his hair and presses a kiss to his cheek, "That and the fact that I've got you."

Saanvi puts a hand on her heart and looks like she's stifling a bunch of squeals. Abraham looks at them with some sort of hidden emotion, sadness?

My own feelings are a puzzle of their own. There are times when I feel like I have so much affection to give to the point where my heart may burst. Then there are moments where I feel nothing. And it's fucking scary.

The four of them have crowded around my phone now, they're clicking pictures and probably posting it on my private story.

Or worse, they're sending it to the ginger.

Throwing the ice cream into Avinash's crate I lunge for my device. Too late, Abraham's taller than me and holds the phone way above my head. "How's the view down there?"

"I'm 5'4," I retort.

"So short," Avinash says and I resist the urge to throw one of my heels at him.

"Fine," I mutter under my breath. Grabbing the cart of desserts, I walk away from the rest. We were running out of Gulab Jamun's and the Indian store was closed right now, so Deepti Aunty had us picking up random stuff from target. I roam around the aisles until I'm at the front of the store by the self-checkout. Scanning everything systematically, I bag everything and I'm ready to pull out my wallet when another hand swipes their card.

"Not so quickly," Avinash says rather breathlessly as he finishes paying for the card. He insists on carrying the bags, so I let him. Then he leads me to the small Starbucks at the front of the store where Luna and Saanvi are chatting animatedly. Luna's waving a cake pop while Saanvi's sipping onto a hot drink.

"Where's Abraham?" I ask noticing his absence.

Avinash shrugs, "Not sure, he said he would meet us here."

"Okay then," I respond. "Wait where's my phone?"

"Oh, he has it."

"Why wouldn't you bring it?" I ask incredulously.

"I was too busy running a half-k trying to catch up with you," he huffs.

"Fine," I grumble, "I'm going to go look for him."

"Do you want anything from Starbucks?" Avinash calls as I walk away.

"Nope," I say back.

I tended to sway away from Starbucks. Mostly because a) why would I spend that much money on a drink and b) because I found most of their drinks way too sweet. That's why I brought my coffee from home. Instant coffee, milk, and two teaspoons of sugar- the right way to take your coffee. Plain, black coffee appalls me.

After surveying every section of the store from the electronics aisle to the clothes aisle I see Abraham with a bottle of water in his hand in the cards lane. Very subtly he pulls out something from his jacket, I squint trying to make out what it is. Then some light falls in it and I recognize it as a pill. He looks around before popping it into his mouth, drowning it with a swing of water.  I'm concealed by the mannequins I'm hiding behind, so I'm positive he hasn't seen me. What I see sends me over the edge though.

I flat out jump in my heels from behind the mannequins and Abraham looks up with wide eyes to see me. Placing my hands on my hips, I jut my chin up at him as he walks over to me.

"Hey Aarohi," he's rubbing his palms together, a gesture he does when he's anxious.

"Don't hey Aarohi me," I say, and he grimaces at my tone.

"So I guess you saw that," he concludes.

"Drugs? Dude I thought we were good after I talked you out of vaping last year," I ramble on.

Abraham stares at me blankly, his mouth agape until he bursts out laughing.

"What's so funny?" I demand sullenly.

"First off you caught me vaping once and I haven't done it since then," he tells me. Pausing he seems to weigh the weight of his next words. Sighing loudly he continues, "Those were my anxiety meds." That couldn't be right. I must have misheard what he said. Anxiety meds?

Abraham nods, "Yes anxiety meds."  

I realize I've said the last part out loud. My eyes go over to his brown ones, I get it now. There's this hidden energy beneath them, anxious nerves that he's desperately trying to quell. For the first time, I see something that I've never seen from Abraham, uncertainty. He's one of the most confident people I know, entirely sure of who he is.

"How long?" I ask softly.

He laughs mirthlessly, "I've lost track, six months maybe?"

"I'm so sorry," I tell him, "I shouldn't have lost contact, Abraham I-"

He stops me by pressing a calloused finger to my lips. "Don't apologize, relationships of any kind work both ways right?"

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. There's this loud voice screeching in the back of my head. Scolding me for doing nothing, but at the same time begging me to do nothing. It won't stop, it won't leave me alone. At this moment, it's a voice trying to raise a reaction out of me. I feel this impending doom falling on me with every second. Something bad's about to happen.

"Aarohi are you good?"

I snap back to attention, nodding, "I'm good. Is that what you were going to tell me?"

To someone who doesn't know Abraham, they'd think his response was timely.

To me though, I know that fraction of a second is hesitation from his side. We're both harboring secrets from each other. He's afraid of revealing something else. So am I. It's easier to ignore our secrets than acknowledge them. For when you do it makes everything so much more real.

"Yeah, that's all."