Palindrome

Twenty-Nine

Chapter 29

Fuck.

Pardon my French, but this isn't good at all. My parents are waiting at our dining table when I walk in through the garage door. They don't even try to cover up the fact that they've been waiting for me. Ma sits at the table with her face in her hands while Papa's staring blankly at his phone screen his air pods set to the side for once. Great, this definitely wasn't going to go well.

That's a fucking understatement. Should have ended it when you could.

Digging my nails into my skin, I drop my bag on the staircase floor and keys on the dining table taking a seat between my parents. There's no point in running away from this. All I do these days is run away. None of them say anything for a while. So we sit in heavy silence with them in the same positions I found them in.

Finally, Ma sighs loudly, removing her hands away from her eyes and rubs her temples, "Aarohi is it true?"

I hold my hands up, palms facing forward, "If this is about me failing that Ap stats quiz I can bring it up with my test grade."

You seriously didn't think I was just going to admit to everything. Knowing my parents they could just be stressing over that thirty I got on the quiz. And Giselle could be lying. Heck, I seriously hope she was.

"Aarohi," Papa says, and he sounds tired. For the first time, I notice the sagging dark circles, the frown lines, and crinkles around his eyes from stress. In the dim light, he looks a thousand times older than usual when he ruffles my hair.  When he winks at me in the middle of a game. When he calls me Rohi.

"You messed up your solo part. The teacher found you sobbing on the floor. She claimed you had an anxiety attack, what's your explanation for it?" Ma demands with an accusatory edge to her voice.

Her words hit worse than a slap. She's asking me for an explanation? What do I tell her? Hey, there's this fucking presence around me all the time that sometimes threatens to swallow me whole.

I shrug, "It won't happen again."

That's what they wanted to hear right? I won't do it again. Go out and embarrass myself by choking on stage and then proceeding to be a weakling about it. If I can't be the daughter they need, I can create the illusion that I'm somewhat meeting their expectations.

Ma lets out a strangled sound, frustratedly putting her long hair up in a bun. "We didn't raise you to be like this. We didn't spend all that money on singing lessons for this."

My hands shake as she goes on. Words don't come out as my throat feels closed up from the pressure. Kneading my knuckles in the side of my face I nod, "I know Ma."

She slaps a fist on the table causing Papa to visibly wince, while I stare at it blankly. When I look up her eyes are a fiery turmoil waiting to unleash their anger on me. Even in this moment, I'm still stricken by how beautiful she looks. That same fire in her eyes when she's in court or ready to stand up for what she believes in. My mother is resilient, strong, and a force.

Everything that I am not.

"For everything you have an answer don't you. Hai Bhagwan, where did you get this attitude from? I was pushing you toward the Paxton boy because I thought he was good company, but I don't think he is. Rakesh we should talk to Laura and tell her Aarohi can't drop him anymore. This isn't working for us."

"No."

Both of them turn their heads sharply toward me. And I know I've signed my death sentence with one word. It tumbled out before I could keep a check on my tongue. I do know why though. What I would give to not screw up for just one day. Somewhere in me, I know that I don't deserve him. That voice reminds me that I will never be enough for him.